Review Dump - June 2008

War, Inc. - 2008

What It Is: Witty satire on the privatization of the military.
What I Thought: Equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and scary!

Robocop - 1987

What It Is: Old-school ultra-violent sci-fi action movie.
What I Thought: I watched some graphic shit as a kid, and still love it today!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

What It Is: The first Indy movie in 19 years.

What I Thought: Just as awesome as the originals, and Shia was cool too.

F*ck - 2005

What It Is: A fun and funny documentary on a very flexible word.
What I Thought: A lot of really fucking funny fuckers enter-fucking-tained me.

Fool's Gold - 2008

What It Is: Adventure film with the dim-witted but lovable McConaughey.
What I Thought: A dim-witted but lovable film.

The Edge of Heaven (Auf der anderen Seite) - 2007

What It Is: A gritty drama by the director of Head On.
What I Thought: Visceral, but not quite as cool as Head On.

Streets of Fire - 1984

What It Is: "A Rock & Roll Fable"

Why I Watched It: Being huge Warriors fans, we took a chance on another movie directed by Walter Hill.

What I Thought: Almost too awesome for words!

Streets of Fire is just fucking bizarre. So much of the movie was terrible (stiff acting, dialogue, etc), yet it's got more style than 95% of the movies made today. It's almost as if all the bad parts of the movie were blended together in such a skillful way that the end result was far, far greater than it's parts.

The plot involves a singer (Diane Lane) who's kidnapped by a gang (led by Willem Dafoe). The singer's friend sends a letter to her soldier-for-hire brother (Michael Pare) asking for help. The brother swaggers into town like so many other action hero loners to rescue the girl and defeat the Bombers. The plot felt fundamentally similar to a million other fantasy movies, action movies, and westerns, but the template of 80's rock and roll kept it fresh and fun.

I really don't know what else to say. This movie produced a feeling that is hard to put into words. Rest assured though, it was a really fucking good feeling.

Highlights: Pare as an awesome renegade hero type, Dafoe as a cool (if mildly androgynous) villain, exploding shotgun shells, scrappy sidekicks, awesomely cheesy dialogue, and a fucking sledge hammer duel!

Who Should See It: 80s movie fans and fans of other (not-so) musicals.

How Soon: Anytime!

In Bruges - 2008

What It Is: A dark comedy with Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell as hit men hiding out In Bruges after a job.

Why I Watched It: A very good friend with very good taste recommended it. That's enough for me!

What I Thought: Check the genre tags at the bottom of this post and you'll see just how much stuff was going on in the film. The thing is, all that shit actually worked together and the movie was really good!

First off, the film was just the kind of smart, quick, and funny that reminded me of all the good Guy Ritchie movies. Secondly, the movie just wouldn't have been possible with shoddy actors and everyone held up there end for the film. Brenden Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes were good as usual, but Colin Farrell deserves special mention.

Despite what a friend of mine thought, I thought Farrell played against type very well. He's usually Mr. SexyCoolGuy in roles that could be filled by whoever the trendiest Hollywooder happens to be at the time. For In Bruges, he was a funny, pitiable, and just about anything but cool. I was impressed. I didn't know the guy had it in him!

Highlights: Shocking violence mixed with razor wit, slapstick hilarity, and the "fantasy world" setting of Bruges.

Who Should See It: Fans of Farrell, Gleeson, or Fiennes as well as dark comedy lovers.

How Soon: Catch it whenever you can!

The Bow (Hwal) - 2005

What It Is: A very strange yet beautiful coming-of-age story.

Why I Watched It: Every once in a while, a movie arrives from Netflix and I don't have the slightest idea why I queued it.

What I Thought: Although the story was masterfully told, I can't shake the feeling that some important element was missing from the film.

The movie is very simple. A fishing boat captain uses his bow to scare passengers away from his young female ward. The old man isn't entirely wholesome of course, he plans on marrying her when she turns 17. The young girl has no problem with this until a handsome boy books a fishing trip and she falls for him. Does the old man stick with his plan or let the young girl live her own life? The answer may surprise you.

Like a Zen koan, the film's simplicity is its beauty. The Bow is Korean minimalist storytelling at its finest. The entire movie takes place on the boat. The cast consists of only 3 notable characters with only another 10 or so for color. Best of all though, the young girl and the old man never speak. Their entire emotional story is told through expression, action, and music. The Bow doesn't bog down with unnecessary dialogue because sometimes a story is simply more effective without out.

The Bow is a powerful poem of a film the culminates with an extremely bizarre, unexpected, yet equally beautiful ending. The Bow was really good, but I can't help but think that a less bizarre ending would have topped of the story better.

Highlights: Silent yet powerful performances from the leads, beautiful backdrops, an intriguing divination ritual, and an ending rife with conversation fodder.

Who Should See It: Artsy types, romantics, and fans of bizarre Asian cinema.

How Soon: No rush.

The Ten - 2007

What It Is: A comedy featuring many alums from The State in ten (commandment-inspired) stories.

Why I Watched It: Cause it was by the crew from The State.

What I Thought: It was weird, really weird, but it was pretty fucking funny.

The film's format was rather novel: ten short stories (almost like little comedy skits), each one based around one of the ten commandments, with subsequent stories bringing back previous characters and plot lines.

I don't know what else to say, it was just as oddly funny as The State and Wet Hot American Summer (the other movie they did).

Highlights: Jesus, living in a black void, being stuck in the ground, prison bitches and . . . va-hee-na!

Who Should See It: Anybody that loves to laugh, epsecially when the joke isn't exactly funny but laughing seems like the only applicable response.

How Soon: Vvvva-hee-na...

Enchanted - 2007

*I had no desire to see this movie, so a Mini-Slut stepped in for me...*

What It Is: A Disney-mocks-Disney, cutesy children’s movie.

Why I Watched It: Because I can’t resist children’s movies, and there is a small romantic part of me that has yet to die.

What I Thought: Well, I giggled and as the movie slut will tell you, that’s as good a recommendation as any coming from me.

Enchanted is about a fairy tale princess-to-be, Giselle, who meets and falls in love with Prince Edward in the opening of the movie. The evil stepmother, Queen Narissa, does not want to lose her throne when the prince marries, so she pushes Giselle down a well and she pops out of a manhole in Manhattan. Throughout the movie, the other characters end up popping out of the same manhole and it becomes sort of a running joke. Anyway, she’s in NYC and we’re shown, through various interactions with locals, how different it is from the fairy tale, happily ever after sort of world. Giselle is taken in by Robert and his daughter Morgan and they all begin to change each others’ lives.

Disney throws in song and dance numbers to bring a little magic to the city and to Robert’s life. I think the end result was supposed to show us that even though it’s a cold world we live in, there can still be a little love, romance, and magic if we all just believe. Or something.

Enchanted provided a nice 107 minute escape from both reality and my mother’s house the day after Thanksgiving. Although, it did have the effect of making me want true love’s kiss. Where’s MY prince charming?

Highlights: the adorable exchange between Giselle and Morgan in the hair salon, any scene with Pip the chipmunk, and for Grey’s Anatomy fans there’s that McDreamy fellow.

Who Should See It: Kids, those with kids, or those who like to watch movies while surrounded by a theatre full of them (what could possibly beat the giggling of small children?).

How Soon: If you’re going to see it, do it while it’s still in theatres. It would be less entertaining without childish giggles in the background (or rent it and invite me over, I’ll giggle for you).

*This Mini-Slut Review come from NY Diva, Disney's target audience.*

Scenes of a Sexual Nature - 2006

What It Is: A dramedy about sex, love, and relationships.

Why I Watched It: You mean besides my man-love for Ewan McGregor? You have to admit the film has a catchy title.

What I Thought: While catchy titles don't make good movies, sometimes good movies do have catchy titles.

The film involves a half dozen couples all struggling with relationships in their own way and it's shot entirely on location at Hampstead Heath (a sort of Central Park in London). The movie has a really good ensemble cast with Ewan McGregor and Adrian Lester among the most notable and covers relationship related issues from attraction to divorce.

Some of the issues featured were incredibly fascinating. McGregor played a gay man attempting to talk his lover into adoption and Adrian Lester played a recent divorcee that still got along famously with his ex-wife. The best part of the film however, was definitely the old couple. A lone elderly man asks to share a bench with an older female and it soon becomes apparent that, over 50 years ago, they were once lovers! It was really quite adorable!

Highlights: McGregor as a gay man, Adrian Lester's character was just as lovable as Mickey (Hustle), but the older couple was just too cute for words.

Who Should See It: Hopeful romantics, as well as fans of Ewan McGregor or Adrian Lester.

How Soon: I bet it'd make a great movie for date night!

The Baron of Arizona - 1950

What It Is: A Vincent Price classic based on the little known true story of a con man that attempted to steal Arizona in the late 1800s.

Why I Watched It: I love con movies!

What I Thought: Vincent Price was incredible and the story of the "Baron" was so preposterous I couldn't take my eyes off the screen!

Anyone that doesn't know the Baron's story should definitely check it out. That dude had some balls!

Highlights: An outrageous plot made even more outrageous by being true!

Who Should See It: Old movie fans, Vincent Price fans, and anyone wanting to learn one of the weirder stories in US history.

How Soon: Save it for an evening of educational nostalgia.

Bedazzled - 2000

What It Is: Sexy remake of a 60's comedy about a man who sells his soul to the devil and ends up learning a lot about himself.

Why I Watched It: Um, cause it's got a super hot British chick in it!

What I Thought: It's funny. A bit on the goofy side sometimes, but really funny. Bedazzled also sneaked in a surprisingly good message about what we really want, compared to what we think we want.

Oh yeah, Elizabeth Hurley also happened to be painfully hot throughout. Her outfits throughout the whole film covered the gamut of male fantasy. There's something for everyone in there!

I got a kick out of Fraser's comedic performance, but I still think he really shines in the Mummy movies. The supporting cast is also worth a mention since Orlando Jones and others all play vastly different parts during each of Fraser's "wishes". Part of the movie's fun was waiting to see where Fraser's friends would show up in each alternate reality.

Highlights: Elizabeth Hurley, a funny Fraser, a good message and a fun exploration into one man's American dream.

Who Should See It: Hurley fans or anybody in mood for a cute movie about a guy wising up about what's really important to him.

How Soon: It would be a decent rental.

Scaramouche - 1952

What It Is: A classic swashbuckling tale of love and revenge.

Why I Watched It: Scaramouche reportedly contained an "epic sword duel over 6 minutes long!"

What I Thought: It was surprisingly good. It more than entertained me and my roommate and we don't typically get excited about vintage Hollywood.

The story involves revenge and romance in pre-revolution France. I was reminded of The Count of Monte Cristo, but in all the best ways. The love story is fun in that old-fashioned kind of way, but the fencing in the movie really shines!

Highlights: Decent story, funny scenes involving the comedy troop, and an above par sword duel ranging through 5 different sets!

Who Should See It: Classic movie buffs and swashbuckler fans.

How Soon: Whenever.

Across the Universe - 2007

What It Is: A motherfucking Beatles musical!

Why I Watched It: See above comment.

What I Thought: It was amazing!

Across the Universe tells the story of Jude and Lucy, brought together in a bohemian enclave in New York and subsequently torn apart by turbulent politics surrounding the Vietnam War. Much of the story as well as inner feelings of the characters are conveyed through the singing of many awesome Beatles songs. Between the music and the images, the film might as well be a documentary on the raging political climate of the '60s.

The main cast was fantastic, doing all their own singing and acting as well as anyone. The treat was spotting all the star cameos throughout the film when Joe Cocker, Bono, and Selma Hayek popped in to sing a song here and there.

Across the Universe reminded me of Moulin Rouge in all the best possible ways except this film was a little easier to get into since the time period was much more real to me. I don't have any real sense of connection to the Bohemian Revolution in turn-of-the-century France, but 1960's USA I can understand!

Highlights: Star cameos, visual stylings, awesome imagery, and the best soundtrack you could ask for!

Who Should See It: Anyone that liked Moulin Rouge and everyone that likes the Beatles!

How Soon: Right now! It will make a great date movie, but it was equally awesome to see with just a group of friends.

The Insatiable - 2006

What It Is: A low budget Sean Patrick Flanery vampire movie that has more in common with Little Shop of Horrors than recent vamp flicks like Blade and Underworld. Flanery plays a regular guy that captures a vampire to prevent her from hunting, but the longer he keeps her captive the more he starts to fall for her.

Why I Watched It: Cause it's about vampires and Flanery's a good guy.

What I Thought: Not bad for a low budget film. The blood was sparse, but present enough to remind me that it was a horror movie. More than anything else, The Insatiable is about a guy's personal struggle with right and wrong.

He tracks down the vampire because she's killed 3 people in his neighborhood, but he can't bring himself to kill her once he finds her. He devises a trap instead and eventually captures her, holding her until he can think of a plan. He can't let her out, but he can't bear to see her starve to death so he spends the next few days coming up with ways to feed her. All the while, Silence of the Lambs style mind games ensue between captor and captive, until a final decision must be made.

Highlights: Flanery was an adorably believable dork, Charlotte Ayanna was sexy without being cliche, and a surprise appearance by Michael Biehn as a hardened vampire hunter.

Who Should See It: Hardcore fans of Sean Patrick Flanery or vampire movies.

How Soon: Take your time, The Insatiable is fun but it isn't exactly brilliant.

The Insatiable

D-War - 2007

What It Is: A big budget Korean movie about monstrous serpents searching for the ultimate power.

Why I Watched It: Explosions plus dragons equals awesome. Still, I wasn't exactly rushing to theater, but my friend convinced me to see it on a lark.

What I Thought: I shouldn't have bothered. It was schlock. Take a really bad 70s kung fu flick, add it to the horrible Dungeons & Dragons movie, and you have D-War.

It sucked!

Highlights: The terrible dialogue led me to believe Engrish had been translated into bad English.

Who Should See It: People that deserve to be punished.

How Soon: As soon as they do something awful enough to deserve quality cinema like D-War.

Felicity - 1979

What It Is: An Australian sexploitation flick about one girl's sexual awakening.

Why I Watched It: Grindhouse turned me on to grindhouse cinema, my explorations led me to a few of the "classics".

What I Thought: After choosing the movie on a bit of a lark, I was surprised that Felicity was actually a decent piece of erotica. The fact that the movie still arouses it's targeted emotions some 30 years later is pretty fucking impressive! Felicity is an above average softcore film with a refreshingly plausible storyline.

The girls are pretty despite some outdated fashion and some unruly standards of pubic hair maintenance. Of course, these are my own standards so you may disagree completely. All in all, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised if you pick up Felicity for a fun softcore romp.

Highlights: Felicity and Me Ling going to the bathhouse was very sexy, the plot makes sense, Me Ling was hot, and Felicity's English accent was a treat throughout!

Who Should See It: Anybody interested in "classic" softcore, sexploitation, or grindhouse.

How Soon: Felicity seems to be immune to the passage of time. Its still fulfilling its purpose even 30 years later. I'm thinking you can wait as long as you like!

Cashback - 2006

What It Is: A feature-length version of the award winning short (same title) that was nominated for an Oscar in 2004.

Why I Watched It: The short that spawned it was really good.

What I Thought: The film that followed was really good too!

I've rewritten this description several times. Cashback is a difficult movie to explain. Think of the occupational comedy of Office Space, Waiting, and Clerks combined with a dysfunctional romance like High Fidelity and you've pretty much got it.

The plot is cool, the romance isn't too mushy, and the actors are superb. Cashback is good. It wasn't ridiculously amazing, mind you, but it was a very enjoyable film.

Did I mention the gorgeous naked woman? No? Well, Cashback features a little extra something to set it apart from the movies mentioned above. The main character is an artists that appreciates beauty in all of its forms, especially the female body. There are a few interesting flashbacks involving his experiences with the female form, but the artist also fantasizes he can freeze time. He often uses these frozen moments to mentally (but physically on screen) undress these women in order to paint them later. All the women are unbelievably gorgeous (in the artistic sense, not the "touch me a lot" sense) and Cashback definitely gives the viewer time to appreciate beauty!

My only complaint about Cashback involves the incredibly brief bit with the stranger that could also freeze time. The stranger is only seen for an instant and the movie moves along as if it never happened! The concept is cool enough to warrant a movie all its own, but it's merely glossed over here with no apparent need to be shown at all! I think it should have been left out completely.

Highlights: The girls, the exchange student, the Natalie character is hilarious, the time freezing is cool, the asshole coworkers are great, and it's just a feel good movie all around!

Who Should See It: Artists, chick flick lovers, guys that want to recommend a chick flick for "date night" that includes lots of beautiful naked women, and independent movie buffs.

How Soon: Date night! ;-)

Saving Face - 2004

What It Is: An American romantic comedy about a Chinese-American girl who's attracted to another girl while avoiding her controlling mother's desire to marry her off.

Why I Watched It: Romantic comedies are surprisingly tolerable when they're about cute lesbians.

What I Thought: Although I enjoyed Saving Face quite a bit, I still didn't like it quite as much as Imagine Me & You. *I'll confess to a sizable fetish for hot girls with English accents.*

I enjoyed the performances a lot. The mother character was just as cool as the adorable lead, for entirely different reasons of course. I didn't know much about the plot and I was rewarded with some funny surprises and twists. Obviously, I won't deny you that same chance by going into too much detail here.

Highlights: All the actors were above par and even the most callous characters had qualities that made them lovable.

Who Should See It: Anyone looking for a good romantic comedy or a good lesbian film.

How Soon: It would make a good "date night" movie, other than that you can watch it whenever you want!

Stardust - 2007

What It Is: Excellent film adaptation of Neil Gaiman's graphic novel.

Why I Watched It: The trailer was sexy!

What I Thought: The movie was really fun! Special effects were blended well with make-up and costumes. The actors all employed the perfect levels of cheese. The story was awesome like a Gaiman story always is.

One of the best adventure films in a looooong time. Blew the wings off of Eragon that's for sure!

I could rave about this movie for paragraphs and paragraphs, but I won't bother.

Highlights: Funny witches, adorable Claire Danes, hilarious scheming brothers, and my favorite De Niro performance yet!

Who Should See It: If you've ever enjoyed a fantasy film, WATCH STARDUST!

How Soon: In the theater! Stardust left me smiling the whole day!

I Think I Love My Wife - 2007

What It Is: A Chris Rock dramedy about a family man struggling with domestic boredom.

Why I Watched It: I thought I'd give Chris Rock a chance and I like Gina Torres (Firefly!).

What I Thought: It wasn't bad. Rock did a good job of keeping the drama believable and heavy while keeping the comedy funny and light.

To be honest though, if you want a movie that deals with the concept of domestic boredom well and delivers a thought provoking message, watch American Beauty instead.


Highlights: A good portion of Rock's inner commentary was really funny, but the last 5 minutes really make the film.


Who Should See It: Chris Rock fans, Gina Torres fans, and people that aren't afraid to watch a black man who's not afraid to joke about race, marraige, and Michael Jackson.


How Soon: Take your time. I Think I Love My Wife isn't bad, but it's not particularly good either.

I Think I Love My Wife

Introducing the Dwights (Clubland) - 2007

What It Is: Australian dramedy about a selfish mother that's beginning to lose her 20-something son.

Why I Watched It: Free advance screening, and this Slut will watch just about anything that's free!

What I Thought: I liked it. Brenda Blethyn was very good as momma Dwight, but I think Khan Chittenden was the real star as her increasingly independent son, Tim. Blethyn's been nominated for 2 Oscars, but Chittenden's career is just crossing over from TV to film. Keep an eye on this kid, he definitely showed some promise!

The comedy bits with mom were kind of funny, but the real humor was the burgeoning adulthood of her son. Unlike many comedies, you weren't laughing AT the Dwights you were laughing WITH them. Tim was so adorably inexperienced and shy that I couldn't help but smile and feel a mixture of pity and hope for him. I spent the whole movie rooting for the poor sap and desperately hoping Mom would come to her senses.

Being a dramedy, Dwights was not all fun and games. The film spent some quality time with subjects involving Mom's career oriented selfishness, Tim's coming of age, the necessary assertiveness of Tim's shiny new girlfriend, Mom's hesitance to let her boy grow up, etc. Where the comedy was only okay, I think the drama in Dwights was really good. All the emotion felt very natural and none of the characters seemed to be overly dramatic just for the plot's sake. The Dwights really did seem like a real family with real problems and whenever the tension got a little too high, there was always a joke headed our way to take the edge off.

Highlights: Tim's first time, pillow talk involving mufflers or some such, hilarious sibling relationship between Tim and his brother Mark, Mom's passive-aggressive "forgetting" of the new girlfriend's name, and all the references to earlier fiascoes and incidents that never needed elaborating.

Who Should See It: It's a good date movie, but otherwise it's just a feel good rental for most anyone.

How Soon: No hurry, no need to go out of your way, but it was an enjoyable film.

Haven - 2004

What It Is: A Crash-style tale of the intersecting lives of several people living in the Cayman Islands. A little sex, drugs, rape, violence, and robbery are thrown in to keep things interesting.

Why I Watched It: It had a decent member review on Netflix and someone commented expressly on Orlando Bloom's performance. I was curious to see what he could do with a non-Pirate, non-Elf character.

What I Thought: It was good. Not as good as Crash or Babel of course, but good none the less. Very watchable.

There were at least two main plot lines, one involving Bloom being accused of raping his girlfriend and one involving Bill Paxton as a white collar criminal, but there were about a half dozen sub-plots with various characters. There was definitely a lot to focus on with Haven's decent mixture of tragic love, burglary, gun violence, pride, and tax evasion.

I was pretty impressed by Orlando Bloom. Don't get me wrong, I never thought he was a bad actor, I've just been waiting for him to do more than count on his boyish charm. Although he wasn't outstanding in Haven, it certainly made me realize that the potential is there. We'll see if he ever realizes it.

Highlights: The Cayman accents (very similar to Jamaican) were a fresh change and Bloom did a respectable job with his, a nice twist with Paxton's character, and Bloom's narration involving the history of murder in the Cayman Islands was pretty funny.

Who Should See It: Bloom's fan club, people that enjoy "lives-intersecting" types of drama, fans of Crash, Babel, 21 Grams, or even Kids.

How Soon: Take your time, rent it when you can't find anything worth watching and enjoy the discussions that will be sparked afterward.

Haven