Review Dump - June 2008

War, Inc. - 2008

What It Is: Witty satire on the privatization of the military.
What I Thought: Equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and scary!

Robocop - 1987

What It Is: Old-school ultra-violent sci-fi action movie.
What I Thought: I watched some graphic shit as a kid, and still love it today!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

What It Is: The first Indy movie in 19 years.

What I Thought: Just as awesome as the originals, and Shia was cool too.

F*ck - 2005

What It Is: A fun and funny documentary on a very flexible word.
What I Thought: A lot of really fucking funny fuckers enter-fucking-tained me.

Fool's Gold - 2008

What It Is: Adventure film with the dim-witted but lovable McConaughey.
What I Thought: A dim-witted but lovable film.

The Edge of Heaven (Auf der anderen Seite) - 2007

What It Is: A gritty drama by the director of Head On.
What I Thought: Visceral, but not quite as cool as Head On.

Soldier - 1998

What It Is: A fucking awesome Kurt Russel sci-fi flick!

Why I Watched It: It was free and I couldn't remember if it was good or not.

What I Thought: I was . . . moved.

You think I'm joking? Not at all.

On the surface, Soldier is a sci-fi actioner about an aging vet that's replaced by a new breed of genetically engineered super soldiers only to face off against them when they threaten innocent refugees. If that's all it had going for it, Soldier still would've been entertaining.

Dig just a bit deeper (chemically aided or otherwise), however, and Soldier has a whole lot more going for it. It's really the story of a little boy handpicked by the military to be the perfect soldier. This boy (and others like him) was raised by the military from birth. Instead of playing, he learned close combat. Instead of catch, he learned how to keep his shot group tight with an automatic weapon. Most importantly however, he was never taught anything else. He was never socialized beyond military discipline, he never interacted with civilians and he never got a vacation. You get the idea.

So when you go deeper, Soldier is about this little boy who's forced to interact with civilians for the first time in his life. Abandoned by the military that trained him, he has to find a new purpose in life. He has to cope with his PTSD. He has to learn to let his guard down. He has to learn how to be human!

Not only is this emotional ride pulled off brilliantly, but Soldier struck me pretty hard because it resonated strongly with me by reminding me of my military friends and my 'Nam vet father. I strongly feel this was Kurt Russel's best performance EVER. When he's doing soldier things, he's a calm and confident alpha male. When that same grown man is hugged for the first time ever, he's a quivering frightened little boy. It's fucking amazing!

Highlights: Kurt's boyish blue eyes, the growl, Sean Pertwee, Gary Busey, fun action and an emotionally gripping story!

Who Should See It: Action fans, soldiers, and Russel or Busey fans.

How Soon: Sooner the better. Moved, man, moved!

Streets of Fire - 1984

What It Is: "A Rock & Roll Fable"

Why I Watched It: Being huge Warriors fans, we took a chance on another movie directed by Walter Hill.

What I Thought: Almost too awesome for words!

Streets of Fire is just fucking bizarre. So much of the movie was terrible (stiff acting, dialogue, etc), yet it's got more style than 95% of the movies made today. It's almost as if all the bad parts of the movie were blended together in such a skillful way that the end result was far, far greater than it's parts.

The plot involves a singer (Diane Lane) who's kidnapped by a gang (led by Willem Dafoe). The singer's friend sends a letter to her soldier-for-hire brother (Michael Pare) asking for help. The brother swaggers into town like so many other action hero loners to rescue the girl and defeat the Bombers. The plot felt fundamentally similar to a million other fantasy movies, action movies, and westerns, but the template of 80's rock and roll kept it fresh and fun.

I really don't know what else to say. This movie produced a feeling that is hard to put into words. Rest assured though, it was a really fucking good feeling.

Highlights: Pare as an awesome renegade hero type, Dafoe as a cool (if mildly androgynous) villain, exploding shotgun shells, scrappy sidekicks, awesomely cheesy dialogue, and a fucking sledge hammer duel!

Who Should See It: 80s movie fans and fans of other (not-so) musicals.

How Soon: Anytime!

Iron Man - 2008

What It Is: Um, the big Hollywood movie based on Iron Man.

Why I Watched It: It was shiny!

What I Thought: A very fun comic movie.

Strangely enough, it felt a little more adult than your average Spider-Man or Superman tale. I'm not sure if it was Robert Downey's smart ass playboy role or the fact that Iron Man actually kills bad guys rather than just tying them up.

Regardless, the movie was fun and funny. Pretty goes without saying, this whole new generation of comic movies is sexy as hell and Iron Man was no different. Gwyneth Paltrow was as forgettable as always. God, I hate that woman. Jeff Bridges played a good maniacal villain though!

Did I mention Iron Man was really, really funny! Like surprisingly so!

I should mention, when you watch the film. Stay through the credits for a surprise cameo buy everyone's favorite Sam.

Highlights: The name of Stark's digital butler, an awesome performance from Robert Downey, and lots of funny bits!

Who Should See It: Comic fans, action fans, and the significant others that are dragged along with them.

How Soon: Makes a good theater trip while you wait for Indiana Jones 4!

The Forbidden Kingdom - 2008

*I'm including an additional section for this review, based on all the mixed opinions I've heard regarding the film.*

What It Is Not: A stylish Asian martial arts epic along the lines of Crouching Tiger or Hero.

*Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can continue.*

What It Is: A fun martial arts adventure film... from Hollywood.

Why I Watched It: Jet Li and Jackie Chan, in the same movie!

What I Thought: Forbidden Kingdom was amazing. It was a super slick, updated version of all the crazy fantasy adventure films of my childhood.

Forbidden Kingdom was a lot of fun, but it wasn't the serious epic drama that a lot of people seem to be expecting. The movie starts with a normal American kid that loves old kung fu movies. Some bully's force him to help with a robbery, where he ends up with a magic staff that transports him to the China-like fantasy world known as the Middle Kingdom. In order to save the Middle Kingdom, he's got to return the staff to Monkey King.

The movie had far more in common with The Neverending Story and The Last Starfighter than it did with the recent slew of stylish martial arts epics. Hell, drop the sci-fi from The Last Starfighter and substitute some 70's kung fu and you're left with Forbidden Kingdom.

All that being said, the comedy was rough in some spots, but generally hilarious in others. The adventure aspects were super fun and the fight scenes were fucking amazing! I especially liked the myriad styles of kung fu that were showcased, from Eagle Claw to Drunken style.

Oh yeah. About the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, it simply should not be missed!

Highlights: Summoning rain, drunken style, tiger style sound effects, hot girls, crazy hair, the Monkey King, and Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same fucking movie!

Who Should See It: Fans of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, or Wushu in general.

How Soon: Catch it in the theater! It's far more fun than anything else out there right now.

Ice Pirates - 1984

What It Is: Classic sci-fi/action/comedy!

Why I Watched It: Me and a friend were exchanging sci-fi favorites from our childhood.

What I Thought: Just as much fun as it was when I was 8!

In the distant future, the galaxy runs dry. The only planet left with any water becomes the tyrannical controlling government and ships ice to other planets that depend on it. A few rogues are determined to engage in a little free enterprise and liberate some of this ice, until they get word of a lost water planet that will make them all rich.

Though Ice Pirates is a bit dated, it's still a lot of crazy fun.

Highlights: Ron Pearlman, blasters, swords, unicorns, androids, robots, toilet humor, space herpes, passion storms, timewarps, frog women, Mad Max style land vehicles, and swashbuckling abound!

Who Should See It: Fans of cheesy sci-fi, 80's movies, comedies, pirate movies, and especially cheesy 80's sci-fi pirate comedy movies!

How Soon: Whenever you're ready to be a kid again.

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone - 1983

What It Is: 80's sci-fi at its best/worst.

Why I Watched It: A buddy recommend it as a childhood classic.

What I Thought: Decent special effects, decent 80's cast, and a lot of cheesy fun!

The cast (Peter Strauss, Molly Ringwald, Ernie Hudson, and Michael Ironside) all came together to make this movie as fun as it was. With all the industrial clunk of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and the fantastic creatures of Krull, Spacehunter was one hell of an adventure movie.

I didn't even want to strangle Molly Ringwald! That right there says a lot. Looking at the poster, I'm just pissed that I never got to see this movie in 3-D.

Highlights: Dragons, corpulent pod people, sexy water nymphs, pulpy heroes, and cybernetic villains galore!

Who Should See It: Children of the 80s and bad sci-fi fans of any age.

How Soon: Whenever.

Warriors of the Wasteland (I Nuovi Barbari) - 1982

What It Is: Truly bizarre Italian venture into the post-apocalyptic action genre.

Why I Watched It: Post-Apocalyptic storyline featuring Fred Williamson!

What I Thought: It's Italian, it's super low budget, and it's really, really strange. But don't let that turn you away. The action is surprisingly good and even the acting isn't bad. Death Race 2000 would make for a pretty good comparison and if you've never heard of Death Race you should probably skip Warriors of the Wasteland.

After the nuclear apocalypse, some people just try to survive while others are determined to finish the genocide that the war started. This latter group also happens to sport hairstyles straight from 80's metal bands, refer to each other with names like Shadow and One, and have unexpected sexual desires for our bad ass hero type. Very strange movie.

Highlights: Fred Williamson's explosive arrowheads, the genius child mechanic, hot love interest, homosexual genocidal big-hair barbarians, and the slowest land vehicles in any post-apocalyptic movie ever!

Who Should See It: Fans of terribly awesome sci-fi!

How Soon: Anytime.

Outpost - 2008

What It Is: Military horror featuring invisible Nazi super soldiers and Unified Field Theory!

Why I Watched It: Military horror is almost always worth my while.

What I Thought: I wasn't disappointed.

A team of mercenaries leads a scientist to an old Nazi bunker. They think he's looking for Nazi gold, he's really looking for the secret "device" at the bottom. They find a bunch of dead bodies that were apparently used as test subjects. Test subjects used to create invincible, immortal Nazi super soldiers that can turn invisible at will. Super soldiers that have been waiting at the outpost all this time. Waiting to for fresh victims.

Cue the dramatic music.

It sounds cheesy and weird. I assure you it is. But it's also incredibly good fun!

Highlights: The machine, the inclusion of unified field theory, mention of the U.S.S. Eldridge and the fascinating wikipedia search it inspired, and Invisibly Invincible Nazi Super Soldiers!!

Who Should See It: Military Horror fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Cloverfield - 2008

What It Is: A street view of a giant monster attacking New York.

Why I Watched It: It had an interesting concept and people just wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.

What I Thought: A fresh perspective on the "giant monster attacks New York" movie. The shaky camera wasn't quite as bad some viewers were saying, but parts of the film were still difficult to watch. All in all, the interesting viewpoint of the film's action made the unpleasant camera work sufferable.

Highlights: Spooky subway tunnels, helpful military, and lots of death.

Who Should See It: Giant Monster Movie fans and film buffs looking for a new spin on an old genre.

How Soon: Whenever.

Action Jackson - 1988

What It Is: Carl Weathers starring in his very own '80s action flick.

Why I Watched It: I've heard the name mentioned in action fan circles and was in the mood for an '80s movie.

What I Thought: Action Jackson was really good! It was everything I love about Commando, Die Hard, and all the other action movies from the '80s that were high on explosions and low on plot.

Carl Weathers was simply amazing. Why this guy never became a leading man is beyond me. He had the physical presence (i.e. bulky manliness), the pretty face, the attitude, and the cocky dialogue to make the perfect action star. Complementing Weathers' performance, he was backed up by a who's who of classic supporting actors including not one, but TWO Predator costars!

Adding to these performances was a healthy dose of gunplay, ass kicking, and fireballs. Many, many, fireballs. Usually centered on some unfortunate bastard. What more does a classic action movie need? Nothing!

Highlights: TWO costars from Predator, fireballs, witty/cocky dialogue, random bodyguard saviors, a sweet Impala, and Fabio's ninja brother!

Who Should See It: Action fans and Carl Weathers fans.

How Soon: Whenever you need a good action flick like only the '80s could make!

Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song - 1971

What It Is: Melvin Van Peebles' classic indy flick that basically started the blaxploitation genre.

Why I Watched It: It's a classic piece of film history.

What I Thought: Awe inspiring.

The film, considered by many to be the origin of black film making, begins with a simple dedication: "This film is dedicated to all the Brothers and Sisters who have had enough of the Man."

That's exactly what Sweet Sweetback is about. Sweetback is a brother in the wrong place at the wrong time. When the white cops begin hassling him, he decides he's just not going to take it anymore. In Melvin Van Peebles' own words, it's "about a brother getting the Man's foot out of his ass."

The film was a surprisingly huge box office success and it's revenue was due almost entirely to the black community alone. Peebles put it best, "Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song made a zillion dollars before four white people had ever seen it." The film grossed $4,100,000 at the box office, encouraging a predominantly white Hollywood to begin paying a little more attention to black audiences.

When Van Peebles sat down to write the film, he came up with a list of things to consider. The first three were most important:

1. "No Cop Out" - He wanted to tell it like it is, without pulling punches.
2. "Must Look As Good As Anything Chuck Ever Did" - Chuck means whitey.
3. "Entertainment-Wise, a Mother Fucker" - I think he succeeded.

Watch the fucking movie! The movie is rough and raw, but also very real. Don't expect Hollywood gloss and happy endings, but take a little glance at true film history!

Dig This: "They bled your brother... they bled your sister... But they won't bleed me!"

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans, film history buffs, and anyone that wants to stick it to The Man!

How Soon: Grab the DVD when you're ready for something unusual.

Thriller - A Cruel Picture (Thriller - En Grym Film) - 1973

What It Is: The classic Swedish revenge film that inspired much of Tarantino's Kill Bill.

Why I Watched It: See Kill Bill comment above.

What I Thought: Excellent!

Thriller is an awesome revenge flick full of violence, drugs, retribution, and... surprisingly... hardcore sex.

A young girl is literally picked up off the side of the road, drugged up, hooked on heroin and forced to work as a prostitute. Her pimp makes one huge mistake and gives her a free day each week and a little spending cash. She uses that day to pick up some useful skills like driving, shooting, and hand-to-hand combat.

Why does she wish to learn these things? Let's just say her pimp isn't going to be happy when he finds out and neither will her customers.

Highlights: Sex and Violence with none of that silly Rock and Roll to get in the way!

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and cult movie buffs!

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever, it's a great film.

Shaft In Africa - 1973

What It Is: The exciting but very different 3rd part of the Shaft trilogy.

Why I Watched It: I dug the first two. A lot.

What I Thought: Shaft in Africa wasn't the cream of the blaxploitation crop like the first two were, but it was still pretty good. Surprisingly, Shaft In Africa played more like a Bond film than a Shaft movie.

What's wrong with that? Not a damn thing, but if you're expecting a funky blaxploitation classic then you're looking in the wrong place.

I won't bother going into every Bond-like detail of the film. If you enjoy classic Bond films, then you'll dig Shaft In Africa. Plain and simple.

Dig This: A naked stick fight with its own choreographer, Bond villains, Bond gadgets, a Bond girl, and Shaft... in Africa!

Who Should See It: Shaft fans and Bond fans.

How Soon: Whenever

In Bruges - 2008

What It Is: A dark comedy with Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell as hit men hiding out In Bruges after a job.

Why I Watched It: A very good friend with very good taste recommended it. That's enough for me!

What I Thought: Check the genre tags at the bottom of this post and you'll see just how much stuff was going on in the film. The thing is, all that shit actually worked together and the movie was really good!

First off, the film was just the kind of smart, quick, and funny that reminded me of all the good Guy Ritchie movies. Secondly, the movie just wouldn't have been possible with shoddy actors and everyone held up there end for the film. Brenden Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes were good as usual, but Colin Farrell deserves special mention.

Despite what a friend of mine thought, I thought Farrell played against type very well. He's usually Mr. SexyCoolGuy in roles that could be filled by whoever the trendiest Hollywooder happens to be at the time. For In Bruges, he was a funny, pitiable, and just about anything but cool. I was impressed. I didn't know the guy had it in him!

Highlights: Shocking violence mixed with razor wit, slapstick hilarity, and the "fantasy world" setting of Bruges.

Who Should See It: Fans of Farrell, Gleeson, or Fiennes as well as dark comedy lovers.

How Soon: Catch it whenever you can!

Coffy - 1973

What It Is: Pam Grier's precursor to Foxy Brown.

Why I Watched It: I found out Foxy Brown was written as a sequel to Coffy so I had to check out the original.

What I Thought: I should have just stayed with Foxy Brown.

The plots of both movies are so similar that almost everything I said about Foxy Brown will apply to Coffy as well. Bottom Line: Coffy is a less sexy version of Foxy Brown with acting that is much, much worse.

Highlights: None that go above and beyond Foxy Brown.

Who Should See It: Only die hard Grier fans or blaxploitation completionists, everyone else should just watch Foxy Brown.

How Soon: The movie's not going to get any better. Might get worse though.

Salute to the Jugger (The Blood of Heroes) - 1989

What It Is: Only a super cool, post-apocalyptic, Australian, sports movie starring Rutger Hauer, Delroy Lindo, and Vincent D'Onofrio!

Why I Watched It: My buddy told me the concept and I just had to see it.

What I Thought: Fucking incredible! Take all the goodness of your stereotypical sports movie (*see below) and combine it with the goodness of gladiatorial combat, Mad Max, and Rutger Hauer.

Civilization is ruined, the only sport is brutal and violent. It's known only as "The Game" and no one knows why it came to be played with a dog's skull.

It that's not enough to get you itching to see the film, you should start looking for your inner child because you must have dropped it somewhere. If the movie does sound interesting, then there's nothing else I can say that will get you more excited than you already are. Just watch the fucking movie!

I have one last question for anyone left doubting how cool this movie is: How many other films lead to the creation of their very own sport?

That's right kids, there have been real Juggers for over 10 years!

Highlights: The Game and the Juggers are awesome, Joan Chen is a kick ass "qwik", and the dog's skull is an amazing touch!

Who Should See It: Sports fans, action fans, and sci-fi fans everywhere.

How Soon: Soon! It rocks!

*You know the one. Where you watch the underdogs work their way up the ranks until they face off with the undefeated team, only to get their ass kicked for most of the game until they finally pull out a win with mere seconds on the clock. It's only the plot of every sports movie ever.

The Punisher - 1989

What It Is: The first attempt to bring Marvel's Punisher character to the big screen.

Why I Watched It: Dolph Lundgren in a deliciously bad 80's action movie, why not watch it?

What I Thought: The entire movie is just a poorly acted excuse to put Lundgren on the screen, killing a whole bunch of bad guys. And that's okay by me.

Although Lundgren is his typically horrible self, Louis Gossett Jr. is a treat.

Highlights: The speech about justice from the Punisher's perspective, the mafia's kidnapped children, villainesses in tight latex, and scores of Yakuza ninjas!

Who Should See It: Lundgren's following, comic fanboys, and action movie buffs.

How Soon: This movie can only get better with age.

Foxy Brown - 1974

What It Is: The much improved follow-up to Coffy.

Why I Watched It: You can't visit blaxploitation cinema without including Pam Grier's work.

What I Thought: It was good, baby, damn good. It was an excellent example of the blaxploitation genre and a kick ass revenge movie as well!

Some official business first: Foxy Brown was directed by Jack Hill, the same guy that directed Coffy. Foxy was written as the sequel to Coffy, but at the last minute the studio decided they didn't want it to be related. So for Foxy Brown, they just changed the name of the main chick and left out mention of the nursing occupation that would have connected the films. Officially, it's not a sequel. But we all know that it totally is.

Foxy Brown is just a normal woman, until her informant boyfriend is shot and she decides to get revenge. It goes okay at first, but she's out of her league. She'll have to get tough to take down the bad guys. Shouldn't be a problem...

Pam Grier oozes a fair amount of sexy through most of the film. The music is 70's silly and the action is surprisingly intense and visceral. From a typical detective story beginning, Foxy Brown quickly sets itself apart as a violent and gritty revenge flick. And that's okay with me!

Highlights: Arch villain "Miss Katherine" is unnervingly evil, the escape from "the farm" is classic, best use of a pickle jar ever, and Pam Grier is foxy!

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans, Pam Grier fans, and revenge movie fans.

How Soon: Anytime!