The Uninvited Guest (El Habitante Incierto) - 2004

What It Is: A bad ass psychological romp from Spain.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. I stuck it in the Netflix Queue for a reason, but I'll be damned if I could remember why.

What I Thought: Sneakily, unexpectedly awesome!

Dude has a spat with his girl and she moves out. As soon as she does, he starts hearing odd noises in his house. He starts to believe these noises are made by someone in the house. As time goes on, dude starts to think these noises are actually being made by someone who's living in his house.

And the bizarrely fucking awesome just amplifies from there!!

Highlights: Parallels man, parallels.

Who Should See It: Smart people that like crazy, cool, weirdly, awesome movies.

How Soon: Sooner the better. This one's really good people!

Soldier - 1998

What It Is: A fucking awesome Kurt Russel sci-fi flick!

Why I Watched It: It was free and I couldn't remember if it was good or not.

What I Thought: I was . . . moved.

You think I'm joking? Not at all.

On the surface, Soldier is a sci-fi actioner about an aging vet that's replaced by a new breed of genetically engineered super soldiers only to face off against them when they threaten innocent refugees. If that's all it had going for it, Soldier still would've been entertaining.

Dig just a bit deeper (chemically aided or otherwise), however, and Soldier has a whole lot more going for it. It's really the story of a little boy handpicked by the military to be the perfect soldier. This boy (and others like him) was raised by the military from birth. Instead of playing, he learned close combat. Instead of catch, he learned how to keep his shot group tight with an automatic weapon. Most importantly however, he was never taught anything else. He was never socialized beyond military discipline, he never interacted with civilians and he never got a vacation. You get the idea.

So when you go deeper, Soldier is about this little boy who's forced to interact with civilians for the first time in his life. Abandoned by the military that trained him, he has to find a new purpose in life. He has to cope with his PTSD. He has to learn to let his guard down. He has to learn how to be human!

Not only is this emotional ride pulled off brilliantly, but Soldier struck me pretty hard because it resonated strongly with me by reminding me of my military friends and my 'Nam vet father. I strongly feel this was Kurt Russel's best performance EVER. When he's doing soldier things, he's a calm and confident alpha male. When that same grown man is hugged for the first time ever, he's a quivering frightened little boy. It's fucking amazing!

Highlights: Kurt's boyish blue eyes, the growl, Sean Pertwee, Gary Busey, fun action and an emotionally gripping story!

Who Should See It: Action fans, soldiers, and Russel or Busey fans.

How Soon: Sooner the better. Moved, man, moved!

Zeitgeist, The Movie - 2007

What It Is: Documentary about controversial conspiracy theories regarding Christianity, the 9/11 attacks, and the NWO.

Why I Watched It: I heard it mentioned on Hometown Tales just before a buddy said "it'll literally change your life."

What I Thought: Extremely thought provoking.

Any of you that know me already know my #1 rule for movie watching. Have No Expectations. Did you ever notice how many people don't say a movie was bad or poorly edited, but instead say they were "let down"? You can't be let down if you never expected anything from the film to begin with. Forgetting what you want or need the film to be and simply enjoying it for what it actually is is the key to being a movie slut.

That said, I'm guessing no one knows my #1 rule for documentary film watching, but it should be no surprise. Documentaries Are Biased. A documentary, and media in general, is biased because the people creating it are biased. It's human nature and it's unavoidable. Even an American made historical documentary about Napoleon's exploits of 200 years ago would be selling a completely different view than a French made film about the same events. Does this mean documentaries are pointless to watch? Absolutely not! It just means you may have to watch more than one to get the whole story. Zeitgeist in particular, is selling a fairly unique viewpoint. These views have been around for a while, of course, but not readily available.

What views are we talking about? Well, Zeitgeist posits that Christianity as a whole is just a poor mash up of the Egyptian religion and pagan astrology, but it's links to pagan tradition should be pretty common knowledge to most. The film then puts forth evidence that 9/11 was a False Flag operation. In all honesty, that was my gut reaction when I watched it live on the news and I haven't yet been convinced otherwise. The last section of the film covers the (not at all)Federal Reserve Bank, secret cabals of international bankers, and their plans to unite the world under a global government that would make Emperor Palpatine proud. This last part was completely new to me.

Zeitgeist was a lot of thought provoking fun. Much like a Michael Moore documentary, the film was heavy handed with its sales pitch. But just like a Moore documentary, Zeitgeist's particular pitch was a side of the story we weren't hearing anywhere else. With the media covering the "War on Terror" every day, it's nice to finally see another side of the coin. Hell, it's nice to be reminded that coins are two-sided to begin with!

Ready for the best part? Zeitgeist is completely free! Watch it online via the website or download it with Bit Torrent for free. Watch this movie, but retain your critical thinking skills and stay just as skeptical of their facts as you are of everyone else's.

Highlights: Far too many juicy bits to mention. The whole movie is chock full of conspiracy, cover-ups, secrets, and more.

Who Should See It: Free thinkers, conspiracy theorists, skeptics, and anyone that doesn't eat what's shoved in their face without first asking "Wait. Where did this come from?"

How Soon: Now! Why not? It's fucking free!

The Hand - 1981

What It Is: Stephen King-esque horror film, written and directed by Oliver Stone. Weird huh?

Why I Watched It: Plot synopsis alone.

What I Thought: Not bad.

Here's the plot. A comic artist loses his hand in a car accident and it's never recovered. His disability makes him more and more irritable until he becomes a proper fucker. Because of his growing hate, in addition to it, or for some other unknown reason, his severed hand decides it's time to get revenge on all the people making his life difficult.

How fucking awesome is that?! Unfortunately, as good as the plot is, the movie itself just doesn't pack the punch it should. It's far less disturbing than it should be and simply plays out like Addams Family's "Thing" on a strangling rampage. I got real tired of watching people get strangled by a disembodied hand. Perhaps my expectations were too high?

The one saving grace of the film is a kick ass faux twist at the end. I don't recall any other film doing this, but I've been wrong before.

Did I mention The Hand stars Michael Caine? No? It's probably because his performance really wasn't worth mentioning.

Highlights: The awesome car accident scene. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Who Should See It: Only hardcore Caine fans or people that LOVE Stephen King knock offs.

How Soon: Skip it.

Hamburger Hill - 1987

What It Is: War movie about one of the most pointless battles of the Vietnam war.

Why I Watched It: A sucker for Vietnam films, I hadn't seen it years and recalled it being one of the best.

What I Thought: It's one of the best Vietnam movies I know of!

There are a lot of damn good 'Nam movies. What makes Hamburger Hill so cool, aside from the awesome cast and exceptional performance by Courtney B. Vance, is the film's tight focus. We don't see the soldiers at home and we don't follow them through Basic Training or anything else. We just see a couple days leading up to the battle and the battle itself.

I think it's this focus that allows the movie to cover so much more than battle alone. We see the aloofness of the command structure, we see the mistreatment of new soldiers, we see further mistreatment by protesters at home. Hamburger Hill is as much about the politics of the Vietnam War as it is about the actual battle. And it portrays both with equal prowess.

Great fucking war movie!

Highlights: All the colorful 'Nam slang, a great cast, meaningful violence, good drama, profoundly pointless casualties, and kick ass monologue after kick ass monologue!

Who Should See It: History buffs and war movie fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Cloverfield - 2008

What It Is: A street view of a giant monster attacking New York.

Why I Watched It: It had an interesting concept and people just wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.

What I Thought: A fresh perspective on the "giant monster attacks New York" movie. The shaky camera wasn't quite as bad some viewers were saying, but parts of the film were still difficult to watch. All in all, the interesting viewpoint of the film's action made the unpleasant camera work sufferable.

Highlights: Spooky subway tunnels, helpful military, and lots of death.

Who Should See It: Giant Monster Movie fans and film buffs looking for a new spin on an old genre.

How Soon: Whenever.

In Bruges - 2008

What It Is: A dark comedy with Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell as hit men hiding out In Bruges after a job.

Why I Watched It: A very good friend with very good taste recommended it. That's enough for me!

What I Thought: Check the genre tags at the bottom of this post and you'll see just how much stuff was going on in the film. The thing is, all that shit actually worked together and the movie was really good!

First off, the film was just the kind of smart, quick, and funny that reminded me of all the good Guy Ritchie movies. Secondly, the movie just wouldn't have been possible with shoddy actors and everyone held up there end for the film. Brenden Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes were good as usual, but Colin Farrell deserves special mention.

Despite what a friend of mine thought, I thought Farrell played against type very well. He's usually Mr. SexyCoolGuy in roles that could be filled by whoever the trendiest Hollywooder happens to be at the time. For In Bruges, he was a funny, pitiable, and just about anything but cool. I was impressed. I didn't know the guy had it in him!

Highlights: Shocking violence mixed with razor wit, slapstick hilarity, and the "fantasy world" setting of Bruges.

Who Should See It: Fans of Farrell, Gleeson, or Fiennes as well as dark comedy lovers.

How Soon: Catch it whenever you can!

We Own The Night - 2007

What It Is: Mark Wahlberg and Joaquin Phoenix cop movie that is considerably better than its reviews and box office gross would indicate.

Why I Watched It: Wahlberg's dramatic roles have been amazing lately!

What I Thought: Wahlberg, Joaquin, Eva Mendes, and Robert Duvall don't leave much to be desired in a film. It was a good story about a club owner that's enjoying the nightlife until a powerful drug dealer puts a hit on his cop brother and father. The club owner is torn between revenge for his family and his own desire to live a safe life. When safe is no longer an option he's faced with the choice between becoming a cop or staying a victim.

Many of the directions and decisions in the movie were surprising and all the drama is punctuated with surprisingly intense action. I really don't understand why this movie didn't get a better reception. It's not as universally awesome as The Departed, but it is a really intense cop movie filled with excellent dramatic performances.

Highlights: The really gritty, graphic, and intense action sequences punctuating a good drama/revenge flick.

Who Should See It: Fans Wahlberg or Joaquin and action, cop, or revenge movie buffs.

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever you wish!

There Will Be Blood - 2007

What It Is: A period piece about an oil tycoon's descent into madness.

Why I Watched It: After Gangs of New York, I'll watch Daniel Day-Lewis in anything!

What I Thought: Amazing!

I thought the movie was supposed to be a biopic about an old dude that was really into oil. I was wrong.

There Will Be Blood starts with some pretty landscape shots combined with music that can only be described as harrowing. It was an odd choice and the first act of the film felt like it was scored wrong. About halfway through though, once the story had time to unfold a bit, I turned to my friend and said "I get the feeling the movie's going to change to fit this crazy music." I was right.

Right off the bat, the movie makes two promises. The first is made by the film's title. The second promise comes from it's score, some of the eeriest fucking music I've ever heard. On both of these promises, it delivers beautifully.

Watch this movie. Watch a desperate man transition into an ambitious man and then a truly evil man. Watch an award-worthy performance by Daniel Day-Lewis. And through it all, keep reminding yourself... There Will Be Blood.

Highlights: Day-Lewis and a ridiculously good Paul Dano, the super unsettling background music, and one man's roller coaster ride to hubris!

Who Should See It: People that like good stories, good performances, and good movies in general.

How Soon: As soon as you're ready for it!

Shrooms - 2007

What It Is: A few American backpackers meet an Irish friend for a nice shroom trip in the woods... and are then stalked by a serial killer.

Why I Watched It: It's a slasher movie about shrooms!

What I Thought: It wasn't a very good horror movie about shrooms.


The film follows the horribly standardized slasher movie plot seen in House of 1000 Corpses, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Touristas, etc. The violence in Shrooms wasn't at all groundbreaking so it had very little to offer aside from the novel concept of having the poor victims be tripping during the whole thing.

The fact that all the survivors were high meant that many strange visuals and scares could be easily justified since the sights didn't actually have to be real at all! It was an interesting twist, but not enough to redeem the movie from mediocrity.

Speaking of twists, there's a decent reveal at the end but again, it just wasn't enough.

Highlights: The reveal and an awesome setting in the mist woods of Ireland.

Who Should See It: I don't know. Bored horror buffs I suppose.

How Soon: No hurry.

Assault on Precinct 13 - 1976

What It Is: John Carpenter's second film and a classic action/horror movie.

Why I Watched It: Cause it is a flagship title in one of my favorite sub-genres, siege movies.

What I Thought: This movie holds up surprisingly well for being 30 years old. It's just as chilling, unsettling, spooky, and classic as it was originally.

Since precinct 13 is moving to a new building, only a skeleton crew is left around for the place's last night. An unexpected guest arrives and the crew soon discovers he's being hounded by the toughest street gang in L.A. The good guys have to team up with the bad or no one will make it out alive.

It's got all the best action and themes from Night of the Living Dead 'cept we leave out the zombies and substitute intelligent, cooperative, gang bangers with automatic weapons!

Highlights: Napoleon, a non-comical strong black lead, and the first death of the film proving the movie is going to take an unexpected route.

Who Should See It: Carpenter fans, action fans, and horror fans!

How Soon: Right now!

Assault on Precinct 13 (Special Edition)

One Missed Call - 2007

What It Is: A mediocre American remake of a (probably much better) Japanese thriller.

Why I Watched It: I wanted to see a movie with a friend and there wasn't much else to see that week.

What I Thought: Blah.

Unoriginal and poorly told ghost story that felt way too much like The Ring. Apparently, I'm not the first to think so either. The almighty Wikipedia says, "Although the film is a remake of Chakushin Ari, the film has been strongly criticised of borrowing plot elements and being similar to The Grudge, The Ring and Pulse." It's worth mentioning that this particular Wikipedia quote is backed by six citations.

Highlights: I'm starting to dig Edward Burns.

Who Should See It: Seriously, the film features nothing new. Skip it.

How Soon: SKIP IT

Death Sentence - 2007

What It Is: Kevin Bacon's vigilante justice movie.

Why I Watched It: I dig revenge movies and the grapevine had lots of good things to say about the film.

What I Thought: It was a pretty good revenge flick. Kevin Bacon has never been one to draw me to a film, but he's never been a reason to avoid one either. He was convincing throughout his progression from family man, to victim, to angel of death.

The story follows Kevin Bacon as he watches his son die at the hands of a street gang, then hunt his son's killer, then fail to protect his family when the street gang seeks vengeance of its own, and finally transform into a determined killer. The fact that Bacon practically transforms into the very thing he hates is a strong message throughout the film. Parallels are often drawn between Bacon and the gang's leader. This fact is one of Death Sentence's best qualities.

They hurt someone you love, so you hurt someone they love. Are you no better than them? Are you just like them? These a big theme in the film and it's enough to set the movie well apart from other revenge flicks.

Highlights: A surprise cameo from John Goodman, an amazing quote regarding "the gift of freedom" and very realistic depictions of violence that drive home the realism and prevent Death Sentence from becoming an action movie.

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and Bacon fans.

How Soon: It would make a damn fine rental and allow for some good conversations afterward.

A Boy and His Dog - 1975

What It Is: "Vic roams a post-apocalyptic wasteland accompanied by his telepathic, ever-grumbling dog, eventually winding up in the clutches of a female-dominated underground society that wants his sperm." -Netflix

Why I Watched It: How can you turn down a description like that?!

What I Thought: A Boy and His Dog was a fantastic movie! Think Mad Max and then add a helping of dark humor and a lot of misogyny.

I watched the flick with a couple friends and we all agreed it was amazing. Here's a movie that desperately deserves a remake, but it would just never be possible in today's politically correct world. The movie is morally wrong on so many levels that it somehow ends up being right!

I'm not going to say anything else about the movie. Set your morals aside, let your jaw drop with astonishment and WATCH IT!

Highlights: The dog's snappy dialogue was easily the best part of the film!

Who Should See It: Sci-fi fans, cult movie buffs, and everyone that enjoys a good tale about the power of love and sacrifice.

How Soon: Right now! Instant Watch it on Netflix, buy it from Amazon, do whatever you have to do. My copy's already in the mail!

A Boy & His Dog

Dagon - 2001

What It Is: An adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's The Shadow Over Innsmouth.

Why I Watched It: I have a passing interest in the Cthulhu Mythos (the world and stories created by Lovecraft).

What I Thought: Crazy, crazy Spanish villagers fell on hard times, prayed to the fish god Dagon, and became little fish people servants as a result. Weird.

Dagon wasn't an exceptionally good horror movie. I think it was even below average fair, but it did encapsulate the standard Cthulhu themes pretty well. Regular people get faced with ancient evils far beyond their ability and comprehension and then must fight the losing battle in opposition or take the easy path of insanity.

Highlights: Freaky fish people and their freaky fishy limbs!

Who Should See It: Fans of "excellent" Lovecraft inspired films like The Re-Animator.

How Soon: Take your time.

High Tension (Haute Tension) - 2003

What It Is: A movie that single handedly proves French cinema is capable of more than artsy romances.

Why I Watched It: I've seen a ton of French films and was more than intrigued at the rumor of a French slasher film, done well!

What I Thought: Bloody brilliant!

Cécile de France is incredible as the main character, but the rest of the cast is only mediocre. Not that it matters that much. We don't watch slasher films for the quality acting now do we?

The violence and gore in High Tension are ratcheted many notches above the vast majority of half-assed American horror films. High Tension also plays on our expectations of the slasher genre with a few unexpected twists and turns.

Watch the Unrated Version. Unlike most "extended" or "unedited" DVDs out there, High Tension's NC17 cut includes an entire death scene completely removed from the R version as well as many deliciously gruesome seconds worth of gore that really drive the guttural impact of the film.

It deserves mention that High Tension isn't simply an excuse for bloodshed. There is a very interesting story underlying all the violence that will leave you thinking long after the movie's over.

Highlights: Gruesome death scenes, only the second film I've seen that features oral sex with a severed head, many deaths are drawn out just enough to hit you with some extreme discomfort, interesting twists and plays on the genre, and one bad ass chick with a barbed wire bat!

Who Should See It: Horror fans, slasher fans, or people that think all foreign films are black and white silent films about romance or love.

How Soon: Grab the Unrated DVD and settle in for 1.5 hours of delicious discomfort that only a well crafted gore-fest can bring!

High Tension (Unrated Widescreen Edition)

The Insatiable - 2006

What It Is: A low budget Sean Patrick Flanery vampire movie that has more in common with Little Shop of Horrors than recent vamp flicks like Blade and Underworld. Flanery plays a regular guy that captures a vampire to prevent her from hunting, but the longer he keeps her captive the more he starts to fall for her.

Why I Watched It: Cause it's about vampires and Flanery's a good guy.

What I Thought: Not bad for a low budget film. The blood was sparse, but present enough to remind me that it was a horror movie. More than anything else, The Insatiable is about a guy's personal struggle with right and wrong.

He tracks down the vampire because she's killed 3 people in his neighborhood, but he can't bring himself to kill her once he finds her. He devises a trap instead and eventually captures her, holding her until he can think of a plan. He can't let her out, but he can't bear to see her starve to death so he spends the next few days coming up with ways to feed her. All the while, Silence of the Lambs style mind games ensue between captor and captive, until a final decision must be made.

Highlights: Flanery was an adorably believable dork, Charlotte Ayanna was sexy without being cliche, and a surprise appearance by Michael Biehn as a hardened vampire hunter.

Who Should See It: Hardcore fans of Sean Patrick Flanery or vampire movies.

How Soon: Take your time, The Insatiable is fun but it isn't exactly brilliant.

The Insatiable

Cinema of Death - 1987

What It Is: A DVD compilation of 5 "underground" short films dealing with the concept of death.

Why I Watched It: Tara Tainton thought I would find it interesting.

What I Thought: I did!

Two of the films were indecipherable artsy crap that I won't waste anymore time on, but the other 3 were pretty memorable.

Adoration - a mostly silent, black and white film about the "true story" of a man with so much desire for a girl that he kills her... and eats her. Only makes sense, right?

Dislandia - a truly bizarre depiction of a young girl named Lindsey, her fucked up paper mache masks, and her nightmarish delusions. Remember the freaky video from The Ring? Dislandia is 3 times as freaky and at least twice as long!

Le Poem - a full color French short about a real autopsy with a narrator reading a poem (The Drunken Boat) during the procedure. The character in the poem seems to be struggling with death and, when the film overlaps the poem with the real live autopsy, I got the feeling the poem was being read by the corpse's spirit. Wild!

Highlights: Man hands, draining dirty blood, cannibalism, paper mache, stitched hooves, and sliced eyelids. Oh my!

Who Should See It: Short film connoisseurs, silent film fans, and anybody that enjoys a jolt of the wickedly bizarre.

How Soon: Save it for just before bed and I guarantee you interesting dreams!

Cinema of Death

3:10 to Yuma - 2007

What It Is: Russel Crowe is the baddest outlaw in the west and Christian Bale plays the desperate farmer who volunteers to escort Crowe to the prison train, when no one else will.

Why I Watched It: Aside from the desire to see anything with Christian Bale, the plot hit enough of the right buttons to intrigue me.

What I Thought: The movie was way better than I hoped!

If character is a big part of every western, then 3:10 to Yuma had it in spades. I could rave about Christian Bale, but the same praise applies to 98% of the films he does. The guy is always amazing. Russell Crowe on the other hand, although very watchable, hasn't really blown me away since Gladiator. Until now. Crowe's outlaw in 3:10 to Yuma was one of the most enjoyable villains I've seen in ages!

There's a healthy amount of gunplay in the movie, but you really come to expect that from a western. What you don't expect is a film overflowing with moral dilemma and ethical introspection. In the movie, Dan accepts the impossible job of escorting Ben Wade, completely aware that Wade's bloodthirsty gang will constantly try to free him. Dan is repeatedly presented with the choice to give up and, as the movie continues, the reward for setting Wade free increases along with the risk for continuing to guard him. Meanwhile, Wade skillfully manipulates his captors, trying to turn them against each other even while he struggles with second thoughts over his own choices.

Does Dan ultimately give in, choosing the safe and prosperous path over the painful but "right" one? Does Wade have a change of heart and rebuke his violent lifestyle? Well, you'll just have to watch the movie to find out. The answer may surprise you!

Highlights: Amazing performances by Christian Bale and Russel Crowe, Ben Foster (Angel from X-Men 3) as the perfect evil lieutenant, thrilling gunplay, tough moral questions, and a healthy helping of wooden leg quips!

Who Should See It: Action fans, western fans, philosophy majors, and fans of Crowe or Bale.

How Soon: There's a lot of interesting movies coming out this month, but if you're looking for the sure thing, this is it!

Unknown - 2006

What It Is: A clever movie about identity and choices.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. Seriously. Sometimes movies just have a way of... popping up in my Netflix Queue and I can't remember what caused me to put them there. Unknown was one of them.

What I Thought: The acting wasn't wonderful, but it definitely didn't detract from any enjoyment during the film. That's more than I can say about quite a few movies.

The story for Unknown is where the awesome really is! Five guys slowly come back to consciousness, they're locked in a small warehouse, most of them are injured, one is tied to a chair, and one is handcuffed and shot. None of them remember what happened! In the first 10 minutes of the film, they learn that criminals will arrive in a few hours.

It becomes a race to find an exit and a race to remember which side they're on. Who's a criminal and who's a victim?!

Highlights: Trust is handled very nicely and there are a few good twists as people remember things they'd rather not.

Who Should See It: Anybody that wants a good mystery.

How Soon: Put it on your list. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you finally get around to it!