Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

Free Jimmy (Slipp Jimmy Fri) - 2006

What It Is: Norway's first computer animated feature length film that just happens to be about militant vegans, potheads, bikers, and one junky elephant.

Why I Watched It: Animated junky elephants!

What I Thought: The animation was a bit rough, but I don't feel it detracted from the enjoyment of the story at all. The movie would've been that much better with a little Pixar-style gloss added though.

Free Jimmy was expectedly amoral, refreshingly European, and surprisingly graphic. The movie covered drug addiction pretty well and then surprised me with scenes of CG sex and explosive decapitation. I should probably mention that Free Jimmy is NOT a children's movie.

Despite all of Jimmy's best intentions, the movie still felt lacking. I'm not sure if it was the unpolished animation, the English cast, or the downer ending, but Free Jimmy definitely needed something else. Maybe one of you brave movie sluts will check it out for yourselves and toss an opinion my way?

I'm not joking about the downer ending by the way. I'll go ahead and warn you now. Free Jimmy is like Requiem for a Dream with an animated elephant.

Highlights: Surprise CG sex, anti-American sentiment (an American refers to non-Americans as "ethnically challenged"!), and a Tarantino style crime plot in an animated feature!

Who Should See It: Um, I have no idea. The morbidly curious?

How Soon: ???

Enchanted - 2007

*I had no desire to see this movie, so a Mini-Slut stepped in for me...*

What It Is: A Disney-mocks-Disney, cutesy children’s movie.

Why I Watched It: Because I can’t resist children’s movies, and there is a small romantic part of me that has yet to die.

What I Thought: Well, I giggled and as the movie slut will tell you, that’s as good a recommendation as any coming from me.

Enchanted is about a fairy tale princess-to-be, Giselle, who meets and falls in love with Prince Edward in the opening of the movie. The evil stepmother, Queen Narissa, does not want to lose her throne when the prince marries, so she pushes Giselle down a well and she pops out of a manhole in Manhattan. Throughout the movie, the other characters end up popping out of the same manhole and it becomes sort of a running joke. Anyway, she’s in NYC and we’re shown, through various interactions with locals, how different it is from the fairy tale, happily ever after sort of world. Giselle is taken in by Robert and his daughter Morgan and they all begin to change each others’ lives.

Disney throws in song and dance numbers to bring a little magic to the city and to Robert’s life. I think the end result was supposed to show us that even though it’s a cold world we live in, there can still be a little love, romance, and magic if we all just believe. Or something.

Enchanted provided a nice 107 minute escape from both reality and my mother’s house the day after Thanksgiving. Although, it did have the effect of making me want true love’s kiss. Where’s MY prince charming?

Highlights: the adorable exchange between Giselle and Morgan in the hair salon, any scene with Pip the chipmunk, and for Grey’s Anatomy fans there’s that McDreamy fellow.

Who Should See It: Kids, those with kids, or those who like to watch movies while surrounded by a theatre full of them (what could possibly beat the giggling of small children?).

How Soon: If you’re going to see it, do it while it’s still in theatres. It would be less entertaining without childish giggles in the background (or rent it and invite me over, I’ll giggle for you).

*This Mini-Slut Review come from NY Diva, Disney's target audience.*

Beowulf - 2007

What It Is: A new interpretation of the epic poem Beowulf in digital 3-D!

Why I Watched It: IMAX + 3-D = Awesome, + Heroic Epic = Epicly Awesome!

What I Thought: Although the film was only an 'interpretation' of the poem, it was a pretty fucking fun experience. Kids everywhere aren't going to be able to watch the film in order to skip reading the epic for English class, but it's still a crazy good movie.

I won't nitpick about the things they changed in the film. It's always going to happen, even your esteemed Peter Jackson did it! It wasn't the poem per se, but it was close enough and on a few occasions it was way more fun!

The movie was heroic ass kicking at its finest. Sure, Leonidas and his Spartans whooped some ass, but it was only a few Persians. Okay, lots of Persians. Beowulf though, he was a lone fucking monster slayer! Hell, Beowulf's dialogue alone is packed with enough testosterone that he could spend the whole movie giving Grendel a manicure and he'd still be a bad ass. I never thought it was possible for a CGI character in a film to ooze such epic confidence, but Beowulf pulls it off!

Oh yeah, the other characters and actors were good too.

Digital film making, CGI, and special effects in general have come a long way. And Beowulf is the best of the lot!

Highlights: Angelina Jolie being sexy despite not even being present, Brendan Gleeson being the best friend a hero could ever have, really good use of 3-D, and the raw epic awesome that is the hero Beowulf!

Who Should See It: Anyone that digs good CGI, good hero myths, or just good fun!

How Soon: NOW! If you don't see this movie in digital 3-D at an IMAX theater, you're sort of missing the whole point. Waiting to watch it on your little TV at home would just be stupid. And I would cry for your appalling lack of judgment.

Afro Samurai - 2007

What It Is: A bad ass, adult oriented anime blending blaxploitation, hip-hop, and samurai goodness.

Why I Watched It: Sam Jackson baby!

What I Thought: Afro Samurai, at its heart, is a very decent revenge tale about Afro (Yes, that's his name.) dedicating his life to finding his father's killer. If that's all the 5-episode anime was about, however, it would be simply lost within the torrent of so many other excellent samurai animes. What makes Afro Samurai really shine, is it's inclusion of so much awesome.

"What sort of awesome," you ask. Well, I'll tell you.

Afro Samurai seamlessly blends fantasy, sci-fi, comedy and too many other genres to mention. (Just check out the Genre tags at the bottom!) The show features excellent voice talent by Samuel L. Jackson (Afro), Samuel L. Jackson (Afro's imaginary friend, Ninja Ninja), Kelly Hu (Okiku), and Ron Pearlman (the lisping gunslinger that killed Afro's father). For those of you that weren't paying attention, Jackson lends his voice to both lead characters. In my book, twice the Samuel L. equals 10 times the awesome!

Afro Samurai is very bloody and very funny. What more do you need in an anime?

Highlights: Ninja Ninja's shit-talking, Ron Pearlman's lisping villain, and Sam Jackson baby! Bloody, action-packed, funny, sexy, anime goodness!

Who Should See It: To borrow a line from a review on Amazon.com, "Bottom line: if you like afros, if you like samurai, if you like animation, if you like violence, if you don't freakin' suck, then this show is for you."

How Soon: Whenever you think you're ready to turn of your brain and let your Id enjoy some quality TV.

Afro Samurai (Director's Cut)

The Simpsons Movie - 2007

What It Is: Um... a Simpsons movie.

Why I Watched It: See above...

What I Thought: It was funnier than I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Simpsons as much as the next guy, but I'd still choose Family Guy any day.

The movie was really funny. A huge portion of the jokes were self-deprecating and I think that was the film's best quality. The Simpsons Movie even started with a joke about people spending money to see something that's on the TV every night. The jokes stayed consistent the whole way through.

The Simpsons Movie was also BIG. It was movie big. Bigger issues for the family to deal with and bigger issues for Springfield itself to deal with. It reminded me of the South Park movie being so much grander in scope than the usual episodes. I think that's important in a movie based on a TV show.

The last cool thing was how many Simpsons' firsts were put into the film. I would ruin the surprise to describe too many of them, but I assure you they were pretty cool. Stay through the credits! I think all the firsts really helped to make the film feel a new level of special over the regular show.

Highlights: Firsts, naked Bart, Maggie the hero, and so much more!

Who Should See It: Anybody that ever laughed while watching the Simpsons. Yes, I know that's everybody.

How Soon: It is the only Simpsons movie they've ever made, I'd say it deserves a trip to the theater. Nine bucks isn't much when you've been watching the show for free all this time!

The Cathedral (Katedra) - 2002

What It Is: An Oscar nominated short film from Poland who's groundbreaking artistry serves as a prime example for CG animators everywhere. I think Platige Image (The Cathedral's creators) describes the story well, "a pilgrim who come to the Cathedral on the border of the known world. He wants to find the answers. He finds calmness."

Why I Watched It: It was actually shown to me in a New Media class a while back. The whole class fell silent for six minutes as this amazing little film took our breath away.

What I Thought: Fucking Amazing! The Cathedral is a very simple stories, yet it can be talked about it, discussed, or debated for hours. The animation is among the best I've ever seen and the music is beautifully appropriate. I'm not one to talk much about music or score, since I'm not that musically inclined, but having no dialogue whatsoever means the music has to convey the story as much as the action does. And it does. Wonderfully!

Highlights: Beautiful! Most potent sunrise ever! Fantastically inspiring music!

Who Should See It: Fans of computer animation and anyone of even a remotely creative bent (writers, artists, poets, musicians). I think The Cathedral really will "speak" to all of you!

How Soon: How about right now?

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters - 2007

Why I Watched It: Cause I thought it might be funny.

What I Thought: I think I've actually only watched one episode of the cultish animated series that spawned this movie, Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The show is a staple on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim and I'm sure I don't have to explain this to any of you Swimfans out there.

The movie, and the show, is pretty much just a strange excuse for adult oriented one liners delivered by the characters. The movie gives our heroes -Frylock, Shake, and Meatwad - a job to do and lets the silly asides flow from there. Shake and Meatwad want to bulk up so they can get the girls, but first they'll need to find the missing piece of their Insanoflex workout machine. However, the machine was actually sent from the distant future and will destroy the world if assembled.

If you think the plot sounds ridiculous and stupid, the ATHF Movie is probably not for you. If the plot sounds just crazy enough to be hilarious then you might want to give it a shot. Being my first proper introduction to Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I was reminded a lot of Beavis and Butthead. The movie had a similar sense of humor, though it was nowhere NEAR as trashy. The ATHF characters are stupidly funny without being candidates for the Darwin Award.

I think the film's own warning about talking during the feature sums things up nicely, "Don't like it? Walk out. We still have all your fucking money . . . If you don't understand, then you should not be here! Your money is now our money and we will spend it on drugs!"

Highlights: Best opening ever! Everybody's favorite children's toy, Little Death Bear.

Who Should See It: ATHF fans, Adult Swim fans, Beavis and Butthead fans, people that can enjoy a VERY offbeat comedy for what it is.

How Soon: Fans of the show should probably catch it as soon as possible. Otherwise, there's no hurry.