The Forbidden Kingdom - 2008

*I'm including an additional section for this review, based on all the mixed opinions I've heard regarding the film.*

What It Is Not: A stylish Asian martial arts epic along the lines of Crouching Tiger or Hero.

*Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can continue.*

What It Is: A fun martial arts adventure film... from Hollywood.

Why I Watched It: Jet Li and Jackie Chan, in the same movie!

What I Thought: Forbidden Kingdom was amazing. It was a super slick, updated version of all the crazy fantasy adventure films of my childhood.

Forbidden Kingdom was a lot of fun, but it wasn't the serious epic drama that a lot of people seem to be expecting. The movie starts with a normal American kid that loves old kung fu movies. Some bully's force him to help with a robbery, where he ends up with a magic staff that transports him to the China-like fantasy world known as the Middle Kingdom. In order to save the Middle Kingdom, he's got to return the staff to Monkey King.

The movie had far more in common with The Neverending Story and The Last Starfighter than it did with the recent slew of stylish martial arts epics. Hell, drop the sci-fi from The Last Starfighter and substitute some 70's kung fu and you're left with Forbidden Kingdom.

All that being said, the comedy was rough in some spots, but generally hilarious in others. The adventure aspects were super fun and the fight scenes were fucking amazing! I especially liked the myriad styles of kung fu that were showcased, from Eagle Claw to Drunken style.

Oh yeah. About the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, it simply should not be missed!

Highlights: Summoning rain, drunken style, tiger style sound effects, hot girls, crazy hair, the Monkey King, and Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same fucking movie!

Who Should See It: Fans of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, or Wushu in general.

How Soon: Catch it in the theater! It's far more fun than anything else out there right now.

Solarbabies - 1986

What It Is: In a post-apocalyptic desert, only a group of rollerskating orphans can free to world's water supply from the tyrannical government.

Why I Watched It: Bad '80s sci-fi kids movies practically guarantee entertainment value!

What I Thought: Childish, corny, and weird, but very, very fun.

The kids find a sentient extra-terrestrial sphere and it grants them the power to stand up to the man and bring down a tyrant.

Tank Girl - 20 Somethings + Teens - Tank + Skates = Solarbabies!

Weird, but fun is all I really need to say.

Highlights: A surprising number of '80s B-list actors, terribly '80s racial stereotypes, and rollerskates with 4 wheels!!!

Who Should See It: For anyone that was a kid in the '80s, Solarbabies is great nostalgia.

How Soon: It's definitely not going anywhere.

Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass - 2007

What It Is: One of this year's slew of big budget fantasy films based on the book.

Why I Watched It: Battling polar bears!

What I Thought: The film was pretty enjoyable, but definitely not what I expected. I knew nothing of the story going in, so The Golden Compass was a pretty big surprise. It wasn't better or worse than I expected, just very, very different.

1. Daniel Craig should not have been listed in the top billing. He might have had a full five minutes of screen time. I was really looking forward to seeing him again, but it looks like I'll have to wait till the sequel.

2. The movie wasn't as much about epic fantasy combat (what they're all really about) as it was about rescuing kidnapped children from a secret lab. I kept being reminded of The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T and that was very, very unexpected.

3. The protagonist was compulsive liar. Seriously. The one girl to receive the magic truth-finding device was the one girl that couldn't tell the truth about anything. Weird.

The list goes on, but I think those are the points that stick out the most. So all in all, it was a weird movie, but pretty watchable.

Highlights: The shapeshifting animal companion was pretty cool, Sam [fucking!] Elliot, and a kick ass polar bear vs polar bear duel to the death!

Who Should See It: Fantasy fans and people that enjoy some good CGI.

How Soon: You could probably wait for DVD.

Enchanted - 2007

*I had no desire to see this movie, so a Mini-Slut stepped in for me...*

What It Is: A Disney-mocks-Disney, cutesy children’s movie.

Why I Watched It: Because I can’t resist children’s movies, and there is a small romantic part of me that has yet to die.

What I Thought: Well, I giggled and as the movie slut will tell you, that’s as good a recommendation as any coming from me.

Enchanted is about a fairy tale princess-to-be, Giselle, who meets and falls in love with Prince Edward in the opening of the movie. The evil stepmother, Queen Narissa, does not want to lose her throne when the prince marries, so she pushes Giselle down a well and she pops out of a manhole in Manhattan. Throughout the movie, the other characters end up popping out of the same manhole and it becomes sort of a running joke. Anyway, she’s in NYC and we’re shown, through various interactions with locals, how different it is from the fairy tale, happily ever after sort of world. Giselle is taken in by Robert and his daughter Morgan and they all begin to change each others’ lives.

Disney throws in song and dance numbers to bring a little magic to the city and to Robert’s life. I think the end result was supposed to show us that even though it’s a cold world we live in, there can still be a little love, romance, and magic if we all just believe. Or something.

Enchanted provided a nice 107 minute escape from both reality and my mother’s house the day after Thanksgiving. Although, it did have the effect of making me want true love’s kiss. Where’s MY prince charming?

Highlights: the adorable exchange between Giselle and Morgan in the hair salon, any scene with Pip the chipmunk, and for Grey’s Anatomy fans there’s that McDreamy fellow.

Who Should See It: Kids, those with kids, or those who like to watch movies while surrounded by a theatre full of them (what could possibly beat the giggling of small children?).

How Soon: If you’re going to see it, do it while it’s still in theatres. It would be less entertaining without childish giggles in the background (or rent it and invite me over, I’ll giggle for you).

*This Mini-Slut Review come from NY Diva, Disney's target audience.*

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising - 2007

What It Is: An updated adventure/fantasy movie based on the 2nd book in the Dark is Rising book series from the 60's and 70's.

Why I Watched It: I'm a whore for pretty fantasy movies.

What I Thought: Meh.

The movie was okay, but it held to so many of the old tropes I felt like I had already seen the film a dozen different times. Kid is leading a regular life until mysterious good guys approach to tell him he's "the chosen one" and has to save the world from the evil guys, blah, blah, blah...

I want to note that The Seeker didn't really do anything wrong, it just didn't do anything new.

Highlights: The time shifting power was kind of nifty, just not nifty enough.

Who Should See It: Nobody. Watch Stardust instead to see fantasy done right!

How Soon: This movie? Skip it. Stardust? As soon as you can!

The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. - 1993

What It Is: A comedy/western show on FOX starring Bruce Campbell.

Why I Watched It: Bruce [fucking] Campbell!

What I Thought: How can you go wrong with Bruce Campbell? Well, you can't! Brisco County is a great show with a great cast, lots of fun guest appearances.

The show is light on action, but heavy on the witty dialogue, innuendo, double entendre, cheeky jokes, and just plain fun. A zany professor adds a bit of sci-fi to the western theme in the tradition of the "Wild Wild West". The majority of the show follows Brisco as he searches for the man that killed his father, Billy Drago plays the delightfully unsettling villain John Bly.

Highlights: The show is surprisingly funny and fun. They don't really make fun TV anymore...

Who Should See It: Fans of westerns, comedies, or Bruce Campbell. Anybody that appreciates the chance to shut off your thinking brain and enjoy some good television.

How Soon: It's on DVD so... anytime you like!

The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. - The Complete Series

The Simpsons Movie - 2007

What It Is: Um... a Simpsons movie.

Why I Watched It: See above...

What I Thought: It was funnier than I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Simpsons as much as the next guy, but I'd still choose Family Guy any day.

The movie was really funny. A huge portion of the jokes were self-deprecating and I think that was the film's best quality. The Simpsons Movie even started with a joke about people spending money to see something that's on the TV every night. The jokes stayed consistent the whole way through.

The Simpsons Movie was also BIG. It was movie big. Bigger issues for the family to deal with and bigger issues for Springfield itself to deal with. It reminded me of the South Park movie being so much grander in scope than the usual episodes. I think that's important in a movie based on a TV show.

The last cool thing was how many Simpsons' firsts were put into the film. I would ruin the surprise to describe too many of them, but I assure you they were pretty cool. Stay through the credits! I think all the firsts really helped to make the film feel a new level of special over the regular show.

Highlights: Firsts, naked Bart, Maggie the hero, and so much more!

Who Should See It: Anybody that ever laughed while watching the Simpsons. Yes, I know that's everybody.

How Soon: It is the only Simpsons movie they've ever made, I'd say it deserves a trip to the theater. Nine bucks isn't much when you've been watching the show for free all this time!

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - 2007

What It Is: You should already know.

Why I Watched It: Cause the Harry Potter movies are fun and this one is where people start dying!

What I Thought: Unlike a couple "book is always better than the movie" snobs I know, I thought it was very fun movie and a nice adaptation of HP-5. The basic plot wasn't horribly rewritten like it was for #3 and they didn't have to cut out EVERYTHING that wasn't absolutely integral like they did for #4. Order of the Phoenix felt like a better edited, more comprehensible film adaptation than the last two.

I like the actual story for HP-5 much better than the previous four, since the Harry Potter story begins taking a much darker turn. I also think Umbridge is a fantastic villain for the series and Imelda Staunton played her so well that I was instantly reminded of how badly I wanted to strangle Umbridge when reading the book. Evanna Lynch is worth mentioning as little Luna Lovegood, she's apparently a huge HP fan herself and was very cool as Luna.

I want bother talking about Order of the Phoenix much since you either have no interest or you've already made plans to see it. I'll just say that Umbridge is spot on and the end of movie/book wizard battles look awesome on screen!

Highlights: Imelda Staunton's Professor Umbridge, Dumbledore's flashy exit, training sequences for the DA were fun, and wizard battles in the Ministry were goregeous!

Who Should See It: Everyone that's read the books or watched to movies, which probably means all of you.

How Soon: Why not this week? The end battle sequence absolutely deserves a trip to theater, you'll be sorry if you wait for the small screen.

The Last Mimzy - 2007

Why I Watched It: I like sci-fi and it looked fun.

What I Thought: Mimzy was good. It was just as much fun as I hoped, the special effects were well done, and the childlike sense of wonder was spot-on!

The Last Mimzy is a cute family flick about a brother and sister that find a bunch of futuristic toys on the beach. Playing with the toys begins to change the children as they start to develop supernatural intelligence and abilities. Before long they realize the toys have a purpose and humanity's fate depends on them.

The most surprising addition to Mimzy was a little Tibetan spirituality introduced by the children's teacher. Ancient mandala designs proved to be the secret to unlocking the true purpose of the futuristic devices and the spirituality blended seamlessly with the super science.

Highlights: Cool special effects and a surprise appearance by Michael Clarke Duncan.

Who Should See It: Sci-fi fans and anyone looking for a good family film.

How Soon: Anytime you need a good family film.

The Last Mimzy (Widescreen Infinifilm Edition)