The Uninvited Guest (El Habitante Incierto) - 2004

What It Is: A bad ass psychological romp from Spain.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. I stuck it in the Netflix Queue for a reason, but I'll be damned if I could remember why.

What I Thought: Sneakily, unexpectedly awesome!

Dude has a spat with his girl and she moves out. As soon as she does, he starts hearing odd noises in his house. He starts to believe these noises are made by someone in the house. As time goes on, dude starts to think these noises are actually being made by someone who's living in his house.

And the bizarrely fucking awesome just amplifies from there!!

Highlights: Parallels man, parallels.

Who Should See It: Smart people that like crazy, cool, weirdly, awesome movies.

How Soon: Sooner the better. This one's really good people!

Review Dump - June 2008

War, Inc. - 2008

What It Is: Witty satire on the privatization of the military.
What I Thought: Equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and scary!

Robocop - 1987

What It Is: Old-school ultra-violent sci-fi action movie.
What I Thought: I watched some graphic shit as a kid, and still love it today!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

What It Is: The first Indy movie in 19 years.

What I Thought: Just as awesome as the originals, and Shia was cool too.

F*ck - 2005

What It Is: A fun and funny documentary on a very flexible word.
What I Thought: A lot of really fucking funny fuckers enter-fucking-tained me.

Fool's Gold - 2008

What It Is: Adventure film with the dim-witted but lovable McConaughey.
What I Thought: A dim-witted but lovable film.

The Edge of Heaven (Auf der anderen Seite) - 2007

What It Is: A gritty drama by the director of Head On.
What I Thought: Visceral, but not quite as cool as Head On.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (Das Parfum – Die Geschichte eines Mörders) - 2006

What It Is: A beautiful, if difficult to explain, German film.

Why I Watched It: Recommended to me by a few close friends.

What I Thought: Incredible!

Perfume tells the story of an orphan in 1700's France with a supernaturally potent sense of smell. He becomes obsessed with cataloguing and experiencing every smell in the world. But there is one smell far more intoxicating than any others, the smell of innocence. Unfortunately, this proves a very difficult smell to preserve and his attempts lead to the murders of a several local virgins.

Perfume was beautifully executed from the uniquely disturbing (and equal parts enthralling) story, to the excellent camera work, and the great performances. This movie was fantastic because of and in addition to its strangeness. What more can you really ask for?

Highlights: Gorgeous girls, an excellent lead by Ben Whishaw, beautifully shot, and an awesomely original story!

Who Should See It: Dark fantasy fans, slasher fans, and crime buffs.

How Soon: Now!

Soldier - 1998

What It Is: A fucking awesome Kurt Russel sci-fi flick!

Why I Watched It: It was free and I couldn't remember if it was good or not.

What I Thought: I was . . . moved.

You think I'm joking? Not at all.

On the surface, Soldier is a sci-fi actioner about an aging vet that's replaced by a new breed of genetically engineered super soldiers only to face off against them when they threaten innocent refugees. If that's all it had going for it, Soldier still would've been entertaining.

Dig just a bit deeper (chemically aided or otherwise), however, and Soldier has a whole lot more going for it. It's really the story of a little boy handpicked by the military to be the perfect soldier. This boy (and others like him) was raised by the military from birth. Instead of playing, he learned close combat. Instead of catch, he learned how to keep his shot group tight with an automatic weapon. Most importantly however, he was never taught anything else. He was never socialized beyond military discipline, he never interacted with civilians and he never got a vacation. You get the idea.

So when you go deeper, Soldier is about this little boy who's forced to interact with civilians for the first time in his life. Abandoned by the military that trained him, he has to find a new purpose in life. He has to cope with his PTSD. He has to learn to let his guard down. He has to learn how to be human!

Not only is this emotional ride pulled off brilliantly, but Soldier struck me pretty hard because it resonated strongly with me by reminding me of my military friends and my 'Nam vet father. I strongly feel this was Kurt Russel's best performance EVER. When he's doing soldier things, he's a calm and confident alpha male. When that same grown man is hugged for the first time ever, he's a quivering frightened little boy. It's fucking amazing!

Highlights: Kurt's boyish blue eyes, the growl, Sean Pertwee, Gary Busey, fun action and an emotionally gripping story!

Who Should See It: Action fans, soldiers, and Russel or Busey fans.

How Soon: Sooner the better. Moved, man, moved!

Mad Money - 2008

*I never would've watched this movie voluntarily. So a Mini-Slut graciously provided this review for us!*

What it is: A tale of three women who work for the Federal Reserve who plot to steal the soon-to-be recycled cash.

Why I Watched It: I like Queen Latifah (especially in Chicago) and I assumed that she could do no wrong. Obviously, I was mistaken, but I blame Katie.

What I Thought: Oh dear god, where to begin…First of all, I couldn’t finish it.

I hated all of the characters in the movie, except for Queen Latifah’s character. She was stealing money to pay for better schools for her kids. Diane Keaton was a selfish Upper Middle Class house wife who couldn’t take responsibility for her consumerist lifestyle. Not a very flattering role, I’m more used to you being neurotic and horny. Katie Holmes’s character is a twit. Not a far reach for someone of her acting capacity, but shit I’d lick toilet bowls to get away from Tom Cruise biting my ankles and poking me with toy lasers.

But the story was not very believable. They’d walk out of the Reserve with cash sticking out of their underwear in full sight of everyone, like they were strippers. Who exactly are they fooling? Tom Cruise maybe?

Also they have their facts wrong. According to IMDB: When currency is destroyed at a Federal Reserve, it is carefully accounted for: serial number, denomination, and destroy date. During cash processing, no employee at the Federal Reserve is allowed to be left alone with the money. In Federal Reserve cash processing facilities, multiple denominations of money are never allowed to mingle.

So, my theory is: Katie Holmes paid some poor writer [to give] her a part that was easy to act out so she could get away from her bat-shit crazy husband and his sci-fi nutjob followers. And she must’ve paid Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah a shitload of money to go in on it, to make it look like a legitimate movie. Katie, you are a sly one.

Highlights: The Screensaver on the DVD after I turned it off.

Who Should See It: [She didn't say, but I'm guessing no one.]

How Soon: [Again, she didn't say. I'm guessing never.]

*I'm the Movie Slut and I approve this message. :-P*

The Core - 2003

What It Is: Sci-fi tale about a trip to the earth's core, sans any primeval jungles or dinosaurs.

Why I Watched It: I was in the mood for pretty visuals.

What I Thought: It delivered on the visuals, but that's about it.

The whole movie was pretty mediocre. Mediocre plot, mediocre performances, and a mostly mediocre cast. Save for Delroy Lindo. I fucking love that guy!

The Core is certainly pretty, but that's really about it.

Highlights: The idea of using WMDs to save the world, Delroy Lindo, Aaron Eckhart, a cheesy fun hacker part, and pretty effects.

Who Should See It: I'd suggest it only to hard core sci-fi fans.

How Soon: Take your time. It's not getting any better and it probably won't get any worse.

Streets of Fire - 1984

What It Is: "A Rock & Roll Fable"

Why I Watched It: Being huge Warriors fans, we took a chance on another movie directed by Walter Hill.

What I Thought: Almost too awesome for words!

Streets of Fire is just fucking bizarre. So much of the movie was terrible (stiff acting, dialogue, etc), yet it's got more style than 95% of the movies made today. It's almost as if all the bad parts of the movie were blended together in such a skillful way that the end result was far, far greater than it's parts.

The plot involves a singer (Diane Lane) who's kidnapped by a gang (led by Willem Dafoe). The singer's friend sends a letter to her soldier-for-hire brother (Michael Pare) asking for help. The brother swaggers into town like so many other action hero loners to rescue the girl and defeat the Bombers. The plot felt fundamentally similar to a million other fantasy movies, action movies, and westerns, but the template of 80's rock and roll kept it fresh and fun.

I really don't know what else to say. This movie produced a feeling that is hard to put into words. Rest assured though, it was a really fucking good feeling.

Highlights: Pare as an awesome renegade hero type, Dafoe as a cool (if mildly androgynous) villain, exploding shotgun shells, scrappy sidekicks, awesomely cheesy dialogue, and a fucking sledge hammer duel!

Who Should See It: 80s movie fans and fans of other (not-so) musicals.

How Soon: Anytime!

The Hand - 1981

What It Is: Stephen King-esque horror film, written and directed by Oliver Stone. Weird huh?

Why I Watched It: Plot synopsis alone.

What I Thought: Not bad.

Here's the plot. A comic artist loses his hand in a car accident and it's never recovered. His disability makes him more and more irritable until he becomes a proper fucker. Because of his growing hate, in addition to it, or for some other unknown reason, his severed hand decides it's time to get revenge on all the people making his life difficult.

How fucking awesome is that?! Unfortunately, as good as the plot is, the movie itself just doesn't pack the punch it should. It's far less disturbing than it should be and simply plays out like Addams Family's "Thing" on a strangling rampage. I got real tired of watching people get strangled by a disembodied hand. Perhaps my expectations were too high?

The one saving grace of the film is a kick ass faux twist at the end. I don't recall any other film doing this, but I've been wrong before.

Did I mention The Hand stars Michael Caine? No? It's probably because his performance really wasn't worth mentioning.

Highlights: The awesome car accident scene. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Who Should See It: Only hardcore Caine fans or people that LOVE Stephen King knock offs.

How Soon: Skip it.

Hamburger Hill - 1987

What It Is: War movie about one of the most pointless battles of the Vietnam war.

Why I Watched It: A sucker for Vietnam films, I hadn't seen it years and recalled it being one of the best.

What I Thought: It's one of the best Vietnam movies I know of!

There are a lot of damn good 'Nam movies. What makes Hamburger Hill so cool, aside from the awesome cast and exceptional performance by Courtney B. Vance, is the film's tight focus. We don't see the soldiers at home and we don't follow them through Basic Training or anything else. We just see a couple days leading up to the battle and the battle itself.

I think it's this focus that allows the movie to cover so much more than battle alone. We see the aloofness of the command structure, we see the mistreatment of new soldiers, we see further mistreatment by protesters at home. Hamburger Hill is as much about the politics of the Vietnam War as it is about the actual battle. And it portrays both with equal prowess.

Great fucking war movie!

Highlights: All the colorful 'Nam slang, a great cast, meaningful violence, good drama, profoundly pointless casualties, and kick ass monologue after kick ass monologue!

Who Should See It: History buffs and war movie fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Ice Pirates - 1984

What It Is: Classic sci-fi/action/comedy!

Why I Watched It: Me and a friend were exchanging sci-fi favorites from our childhood.

What I Thought: Just as much fun as it was when I was 8!

In the distant future, the galaxy runs dry. The only planet left with any water becomes the tyrannical controlling government and ships ice to other planets that depend on it. A few rogues are determined to engage in a little free enterprise and liberate some of this ice, until they get word of a lost water planet that will make them all rich.

Though Ice Pirates is a bit dated, it's still a lot of crazy fun.

Highlights: Ron Pearlman, blasters, swords, unicorns, androids, robots, toilet humor, space herpes, passion storms, timewarps, frog women, Mad Max style land vehicles, and swashbuckling abound!

Who Should See It: Fans of cheesy sci-fi, 80's movies, comedies, pirate movies, and especially cheesy 80's sci-fi pirate comedy movies!

How Soon: Whenever you're ready to be a kid again.

Warriors of the Wasteland (I Nuovi Barbari) - 1982

What It Is: Truly bizarre Italian venture into the post-apocalyptic action genre.

Why I Watched It: Post-Apocalyptic storyline featuring Fred Williamson!

What I Thought: It's Italian, it's super low budget, and it's really, really strange. But don't let that turn you away. The action is surprisingly good and even the acting isn't bad. Death Race 2000 would make for a pretty good comparison and if you've never heard of Death Race you should probably skip Warriors of the Wasteland.

After the nuclear apocalypse, some people just try to survive while others are determined to finish the genocide that the war started. This latter group also happens to sport hairstyles straight from 80's metal bands, refer to each other with names like Shadow and One, and have unexpected sexual desires for our bad ass hero type. Very strange movie.

Highlights: Fred Williamson's explosive arrowheads, the genius child mechanic, hot love interest, homosexual genocidal big-hair barbarians, and the slowest land vehicles in any post-apocalyptic movie ever!

Who Should See It: Fans of terribly awesome sci-fi!

How Soon: Anytime.

Outpost - 2008

What It Is: Military horror featuring invisible Nazi super soldiers and Unified Field Theory!

Why I Watched It: Military horror is almost always worth my while.

What I Thought: I wasn't disappointed.

A team of mercenaries leads a scientist to an old Nazi bunker. They think he's looking for Nazi gold, he's really looking for the secret "device" at the bottom. They find a bunch of dead bodies that were apparently used as test subjects. Test subjects used to create invincible, immortal Nazi super soldiers that can turn invisible at will. Super soldiers that have been waiting at the outpost all this time. Waiting to for fresh victims.

Cue the dramatic music.

It sounds cheesy and weird. I assure you it is. But it's also incredibly good fun!

Highlights: The machine, the inclusion of unified field theory, mention of the U.S.S. Eldridge and the fascinating wikipedia search it inspired, and Invisibly Invincible Nazi Super Soldiers!!

Who Should See It: Military Horror fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - 1990

What It Is: Tim Roth and Gary Oldman in the untold story of Hamlet's most minor characters.

Why I Watched It: Recommended by a trusted friend.

What I Thought: I'm fairly certain that this very funny movie would have been even better if I went in knowing something about Hamlet. I have no aversion to Shakespeare, but Hamlet is one of his works I never got around to seeing/reading.

Roth and Oldman are as fantastically excellent as you would expect. I believe this is only the second time I've seen Oldman in a comedy role and the guy's really fucking good.

The plot is lots of fun because it follows the existentialist misadventure's of Hamlet's minor characters and enlightens us on all their ridiculous activities between their appearances in the Hamlet story proper. The very best of which is a Question Match they hold on a tennis court involving a sort of debate following tennis scoring. It sounds weird, but it's amazingly awesome to watch.

Highlights: Roth and Oldman succeeding marvelously in comedy roles, an excellent performance by Richard Dreyfuss deserves mention as well, the Question Match, and the general level of philosophical absurdity throughout the whole picture.

Who Should See It: Fans of Shakespeare, Roth or Oldman. Fans of existential comedies like I Heart Huckabees and Being John Malkovich.

How Soon: Next time you want to do some thinking with your laughing.

Pumpkinhead - 1988

What It Is: Weird slasher morality tale with Lance Henriksen.

Why I Watched It: The name kept coming up in horror circles and I thought it was time to see what all the fuss was.

What I Thought: Aside from the awesome performance I expected from Henriksen, Pumkinhead was quite good!

A bunch of rich city kids head to the country with their dirt bikes. When one accidentally runs down Henriksen's son, Lance calls up the ultimate force of revenge for a man slighted by another, Pumpkinhead. The demon is summoned as the facilitator of Henriksen's vengeance, but was his decision justified? The rest of the film involves a surprising number of moral questions regarding crime and punishment, slasher movie style.

Highlights: The monster, the summoning, slasher morality, and sacrifice.

Who Should See It: Horror and slasher fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Cloverfield - 2008

What It Is: A street view of a giant monster attacking New York.

Why I Watched It: It had an interesting concept and people just wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.

What I Thought: A fresh perspective on the "giant monster attacks New York" movie. The shaky camera wasn't quite as bad some viewers were saying, but parts of the film were still difficult to watch. All in all, the interesting viewpoint of the film's action made the unpleasant camera work sufferable.

Highlights: Spooky subway tunnels, helpful military, and lots of death.

Who Should See It: Giant Monster Movie fans and film buffs looking for a new spin on an old genre.

How Soon: Whenever.

Solarbabies - 1986

What It Is: In a post-apocalyptic desert, only a group of rollerskating orphans can free to world's water supply from the tyrannical government.

Why I Watched It: Bad '80s sci-fi kids movies practically guarantee entertainment value!

What I Thought: Childish, corny, and weird, but very, very fun.

The kids find a sentient extra-terrestrial sphere and it grants them the power to stand up to the man and bring down a tyrant.

Tank Girl - 20 Somethings + Teens - Tank + Skates = Solarbabies!

Weird, but fun is all I really need to say.

Highlights: A surprising number of '80s B-list actors, terribly '80s racial stereotypes, and rollerskates with 4 wheels!!!

Who Should See It: For anyone that was a kid in the '80s, Solarbabies is great nostalgia.

How Soon: It's definitely not going anywhere.

Action Jackson - 1988

What It Is: Carl Weathers starring in his very own '80s action flick.

Why I Watched It: I've heard the name mentioned in action fan circles and was in the mood for an '80s movie.

What I Thought: Action Jackson was really good! It was everything I love about Commando, Die Hard, and all the other action movies from the '80s that were high on explosions and low on plot.

Carl Weathers was simply amazing. Why this guy never became a leading man is beyond me. He had the physical presence (i.e. bulky manliness), the pretty face, the attitude, and the cocky dialogue to make the perfect action star. Complementing Weathers' performance, he was backed up by a who's who of classic supporting actors including not one, but TWO Predator costars!

Adding to these performances was a healthy dose of gunplay, ass kicking, and fireballs. Many, many, fireballs. Usually centered on some unfortunate bastard. What more does a classic action movie need? Nothing!

Highlights: TWO costars from Predator, fireballs, witty/cocky dialogue, random bodyguard saviors, a sweet Impala, and Fabio's ninja brother!

Who Should See It: Action fans and Carl Weathers fans.

How Soon: Whenever you need a good action flick like only the '80s could make!

Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song - 1971

What It Is: Melvin Van Peebles' classic indy flick that basically started the blaxploitation genre.

Why I Watched It: It's a classic piece of film history.

What I Thought: Awe inspiring.

The film, considered by many to be the origin of black film making, begins with a simple dedication: "This film is dedicated to all the Brothers and Sisters who have had enough of the Man."

That's exactly what Sweet Sweetback is about. Sweetback is a brother in the wrong place at the wrong time. When the white cops begin hassling him, he decides he's just not going to take it anymore. In Melvin Van Peebles' own words, it's "about a brother getting the Man's foot out of his ass."

The film was a surprisingly huge box office success and it's revenue was due almost entirely to the black community alone. Peebles put it best, "Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song made a zillion dollars before four white people had ever seen it." The film grossed $4,100,000 at the box office, encouraging a predominantly white Hollywood to begin paying a little more attention to black audiences.

When Van Peebles sat down to write the film, he came up with a list of things to consider. The first three were most important:

1. "No Cop Out" - He wanted to tell it like it is, without pulling punches.
2. "Must Look As Good As Anything Chuck Ever Did" - Chuck means whitey.
3. "Entertainment-Wise, a Mother Fucker" - I think he succeeded.

Watch the fucking movie! The movie is rough and raw, but also very real. Don't expect Hollywood gloss and happy endings, but take a little glance at true film history!

Dig This: "They bled your brother... they bled your sister... But they won't bleed me!"

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans, film history buffs, and anyone that wants to stick it to The Man!

How Soon: Grab the DVD when you're ready for something unusual.

Thriller - A Cruel Picture (Thriller - En Grym Film) - 1973

What It Is: The classic Swedish revenge film that inspired much of Tarantino's Kill Bill.

Why I Watched It: See Kill Bill comment above.

What I Thought: Excellent!

Thriller is an awesome revenge flick full of violence, drugs, retribution, and... surprisingly... hardcore sex.

A young girl is literally picked up off the side of the road, drugged up, hooked on heroin and forced to work as a prostitute. Her pimp makes one huge mistake and gives her a free day each week and a little spending cash. She uses that day to pick up some useful skills like driving, shooting, and hand-to-hand combat.

Why does she wish to learn these things? Let's just say her pimp isn't going to be happy when he finds out and neither will her customers.

Highlights: Sex and Violence with none of that silly Rock and Roll to get in the way!

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and cult movie buffs!

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever, it's a great film.