The Uninvited Guest (El Habitante Incierto) - 2004

What It Is: A bad ass psychological romp from Spain.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. I stuck it in the Netflix Queue for a reason, but I'll be damned if I could remember why.

What I Thought: Sneakily, unexpectedly awesome!

Dude has a spat with his girl and she moves out. As soon as she does, he starts hearing odd noises in his house. He starts to believe these noises are made by someone in the house. As time goes on, dude starts to think these noises are actually being made by someone who's living in his house.

And the bizarrely fucking awesome just amplifies from there!!

Highlights: Parallels man, parallels.

Who Should See It: Smart people that like crazy, cool, weirdly, awesome movies.

How Soon: Sooner the better. This one's really good people!

Soldier - 1998

What It Is: A fucking awesome Kurt Russel sci-fi flick!

Why I Watched It: It was free and I couldn't remember if it was good or not.

What I Thought: I was . . . moved.

You think I'm joking? Not at all.

On the surface, Soldier is a sci-fi actioner about an aging vet that's replaced by a new breed of genetically engineered super soldiers only to face off against them when they threaten innocent refugees. If that's all it had going for it, Soldier still would've been entertaining.

Dig just a bit deeper (chemically aided or otherwise), however, and Soldier has a whole lot more going for it. It's really the story of a little boy handpicked by the military to be the perfect soldier. This boy (and others like him) was raised by the military from birth. Instead of playing, he learned close combat. Instead of catch, he learned how to keep his shot group tight with an automatic weapon. Most importantly however, he was never taught anything else. He was never socialized beyond military discipline, he never interacted with civilians and he never got a vacation. You get the idea.

So when you go deeper, Soldier is about this little boy who's forced to interact with civilians for the first time in his life. Abandoned by the military that trained him, he has to find a new purpose in life. He has to cope with his PTSD. He has to learn to let his guard down. He has to learn how to be human!

Not only is this emotional ride pulled off brilliantly, but Soldier struck me pretty hard because it resonated strongly with me by reminding me of my military friends and my 'Nam vet father. I strongly feel this was Kurt Russel's best performance EVER. When he's doing soldier things, he's a calm and confident alpha male. When that same grown man is hugged for the first time ever, he's a quivering frightened little boy. It's fucking amazing!

Highlights: Kurt's boyish blue eyes, the growl, Sean Pertwee, Gary Busey, fun action and an emotionally gripping story!

Who Should See It: Action fans, soldiers, and Russel or Busey fans.

How Soon: Sooner the better. Moved, man, moved!

Streets of Fire - 1984

What It Is: "A Rock & Roll Fable"

Why I Watched It: Being huge Warriors fans, we took a chance on another movie directed by Walter Hill.

What I Thought: Almost too awesome for words!

Streets of Fire is just fucking bizarre. So much of the movie was terrible (stiff acting, dialogue, etc), yet it's got more style than 95% of the movies made today. It's almost as if all the bad parts of the movie were blended together in such a skillful way that the end result was far, far greater than it's parts.

The plot involves a singer (Diane Lane) who's kidnapped by a gang (led by Willem Dafoe). The singer's friend sends a letter to her soldier-for-hire brother (Michael Pare) asking for help. The brother swaggers into town like so many other action hero loners to rescue the girl and defeat the Bombers. The plot felt fundamentally similar to a million other fantasy movies, action movies, and westerns, but the template of 80's rock and roll kept it fresh and fun.

I really don't know what else to say. This movie produced a feeling that is hard to put into words. Rest assured though, it was a really fucking good feeling.

Highlights: Pare as an awesome renegade hero type, Dafoe as a cool (if mildly androgynous) villain, exploding shotgun shells, scrappy sidekicks, awesomely cheesy dialogue, and a fucking sledge hammer duel!

Who Should See It: 80s movie fans and fans of other (not-so) musicals.

How Soon: Anytime!

The Hand - 1981

What It Is: Stephen King-esque horror film, written and directed by Oliver Stone. Weird huh?

Why I Watched It: Plot synopsis alone.

What I Thought: Not bad.

Here's the plot. A comic artist loses his hand in a car accident and it's never recovered. His disability makes him more and more irritable until he becomes a proper fucker. Because of his growing hate, in addition to it, or for some other unknown reason, his severed hand decides it's time to get revenge on all the people making his life difficult.

How fucking awesome is that?! Unfortunately, as good as the plot is, the movie itself just doesn't pack the punch it should. It's far less disturbing than it should be and simply plays out like Addams Family's "Thing" on a strangling rampage. I got real tired of watching people get strangled by a disembodied hand. Perhaps my expectations were too high?

The one saving grace of the film is a kick ass faux twist at the end. I don't recall any other film doing this, but I've been wrong before.

Did I mention The Hand stars Michael Caine? No? It's probably because his performance really wasn't worth mentioning.

Highlights: The awesome car accident scene. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Who Should See It: Only hardcore Caine fans or people that LOVE Stephen King knock offs.

How Soon: Skip it.

Ice Pirates - 1984

What It Is: Classic sci-fi/action/comedy!

Why I Watched It: Me and a friend were exchanging sci-fi favorites from our childhood.

What I Thought: Just as much fun as it was when I was 8!

In the distant future, the galaxy runs dry. The only planet left with any water becomes the tyrannical controlling government and ships ice to other planets that depend on it. A few rogues are determined to engage in a little free enterprise and liberate some of this ice, until they get word of a lost water planet that will make them all rich.

Though Ice Pirates is a bit dated, it's still a lot of crazy fun.

Highlights: Ron Pearlman, blasters, swords, unicorns, androids, robots, toilet humor, space herpes, passion storms, timewarps, frog women, Mad Max style land vehicles, and swashbuckling abound!

Who Should See It: Fans of cheesy sci-fi, 80's movies, comedies, pirate movies, and especially cheesy 80's sci-fi pirate comedy movies!

How Soon: Whenever you're ready to be a kid again.

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone - 1983

What It Is: 80's sci-fi at its best/worst.

Why I Watched It: A buddy recommend it as a childhood classic.

What I Thought: Decent special effects, decent 80's cast, and a lot of cheesy fun!

The cast (Peter Strauss, Molly Ringwald, Ernie Hudson, and Michael Ironside) all came together to make this movie as fun as it was. With all the industrial clunk of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and the fantastic creatures of Krull, Spacehunter was one hell of an adventure movie.

I didn't even want to strangle Molly Ringwald! That right there says a lot. Looking at the poster, I'm just pissed that I never got to see this movie in 3-D.

Highlights: Dragons, corpulent pod people, sexy water nymphs, pulpy heroes, and cybernetic villains galore!

Who Should See It: Children of the 80s and bad sci-fi fans of any age.

How Soon: Whenever.

Warriors of the Wasteland (I Nuovi Barbari) - 1982

What It Is: Truly bizarre Italian venture into the post-apocalyptic action genre.

Why I Watched It: Post-Apocalyptic storyline featuring Fred Williamson!

What I Thought: It's Italian, it's super low budget, and it's really, really strange. But don't let that turn you away. The action is surprisingly good and even the acting isn't bad. Death Race 2000 would make for a pretty good comparison and if you've never heard of Death Race you should probably skip Warriors of the Wasteland.

After the nuclear apocalypse, some people just try to survive while others are determined to finish the genocide that the war started. This latter group also happens to sport hairstyles straight from 80's metal bands, refer to each other with names like Shadow and One, and have unexpected sexual desires for our bad ass hero type. Very strange movie.

Highlights: Fred Williamson's explosive arrowheads, the genius child mechanic, hot love interest, homosexual genocidal big-hair barbarians, and the slowest land vehicles in any post-apocalyptic movie ever!

Who Should See It: Fans of terribly awesome sci-fi!

How Soon: Anytime.

Solarbabies - 1986

What It Is: In a post-apocalyptic desert, only a group of rollerskating orphans can free to world's water supply from the tyrannical government.

Why I Watched It: Bad '80s sci-fi kids movies practically guarantee entertainment value!

What I Thought: Childish, corny, and weird, but very, very fun.

The kids find a sentient extra-terrestrial sphere and it grants them the power to stand up to the man and bring down a tyrant.

Tank Girl - 20 Somethings + Teens - Tank + Skates = Solarbabies!

Weird, but fun is all I really need to say.

Highlights: A surprising number of '80s B-list actors, terribly '80s racial stereotypes, and rollerskates with 4 wheels!!!

Who Should See It: For anyone that was a kid in the '80s, Solarbabies is great nostalgia.

How Soon: It's definitely not going anywhere.

Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

Thriller - A Cruel Picture (Thriller - En Grym Film) - 1973

What It Is: The classic Swedish revenge film that inspired much of Tarantino's Kill Bill.

Why I Watched It: See Kill Bill comment above.

What I Thought: Excellent!

Thriller is an awesome revenge flick full of violence, drugs, retribution, and... surprisingly... hardcore sex.

A young girl is literally picked up off the side of the road, drugged up, hooked on heroin and forced to work as a prostitute. Her pimp makes one huge mistake and gives her a free day each week and a little spending cash. She uses that day to pick up some useful skills like driving, shooting, and hand-to-hand combat.

Why does she wish to learn these things? Let's just say her pimp isn't going to be happy when he finds out and neither will her customers.

Highlights: Sex and Violence with none of that silly Rock and Roll to get in the way!

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and cult movie buffs!

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever, it's a great film.

Free Jimmy (Slipp Jimmy Fri) - 2006

What It Is: Norway's first computer animated feature length film that just happens to be about militant vegans, potheads, bikers, and one junky elephant.

Why I Watched It: Animated junky elephants!

What I Thought: The animation was a bit rough, but I don't feel it detracted from the enjoyment of the story at all. The movie would've been that much better with a little Pixar-style gloss added though.

Free Jimmy was expectedly amoral, refreshingly European, and surprisingly graphic. The movie covered drug addiction pretty well and then surprised me with scenes of CG sex and explosive decapitation. I should probably mention that Free Jimmy is NOT a children's movie.

Despite all of Jimmy's best intentions, the movie still felt lacking. I'm not sure if it was the unpolished animation, the English cast, or the downer ending, but Free Jimmy definitely needed something else. Maybe one of you brave movie sluts will check it out for yourselves and toss an opinion my way?

I'm not joking about the downer ending by the way. I'll go ahead and warn you now. Free Jimmy is like Requiem for a Dream with an animated elephant.

Highlights: Surprise CG sex, anti-American sentiment (an American refers to non-Americans as "ethnically challenged"!), and a Tarantino style crime plot in an animated feature!

Who Should See It: Um, I have no idea. The morbidly curious?

How Soon: ???

Cooley High - 1975

What It Is: "the black American Graffiti" -Netflix.com

Why I Watched It: The movie was pointed to several times during my search for blaxploitation films.

What I Thought: Netflix's description was pretty apt. There's a lot to dig about Cooley High.

Like a typical high school movie, Cooley High is a snapshot of two friends over one hell of a weekend. Glynn Turman's character "Preach" was not only the main character, but his role really made the whole production stand out for me.

There's really not much I can say that "American Graffiti" doesn't cover. It's a good flick. It's dramatic, it rings true, and it's fun. Watch it!

Highlights: Preach being smooth with the ladies, Garrett Morris as "Mr. Mason", and the fake police badge.

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans and people that can always watch a good high school movie.

How Soon: It's definitely not going anywhere.

Salute to the Jugger (The Blood of Heroes) - 1989

What It Is: Only a super cool, post-apocalyptic, Australian, sports movie starring Rutger Hauer, Delroy Lindo, and Vincent D'Onofrio!

Why I Watched It: My buddy told me the concept and I just had to see it.

What I Thought: Fucking incredible! Take all the goodness of your stereotypical sports movie (*see below) and combine it with the goodness of gladiatorial combat, Mad Max, and Rutger Hauer.

Civilization is ruined, the only sport is brutal and violent. It's known only as "The Game" and no one knows why it came to be played with a dog's skull.

It that's not enough to get you itching to see the film, you should start looking for your inner child because you must have dropped it somewhere. If the movie does sound interesting, then there's nothing else I can say that will get you more excited than you already are. Just watch the fucking movie!

I have one last question for anyone left doubting how cool this movie is: How many other films lead to the creation of their very own sport?

That's right kids, there have been real Juggers for over 10 years!

Highlights: The Game and the Juggers are awesome, Joan Chen is a kick ass "qwik", and the dog's skull is an amazing touch!

Who Should See It: Sports fans, action fans, and sci-fi fans everywhere.

How Soon: Soon! It rocks!

*You know the one. Where you watch the underdogs work their way up the ranks until they face off with the undefeated team, only to get their ass kicked for most of the game until they finally pull out a win with mere seconds on the clock. It's only the plot of every sports movie ever.

We Own The Night - 2007

What It Is: Mark Wahlberg and Joaquin Phoenix cop movie that is considerably better than its reviews and box office gross would indicate.

Why I Watched It: Wahlberg's dramatic roles have been amazing lately!

What I Thought: Wahlberg, Joaquin, Eva Mendes, and Robert Duvall don't leave much to be desired in a film. It was a good story about a club owner that's enjoying the nightlife until a powerful drug dealer puts a hit on his cop brother and father. The club owner is torn between revenge for his family and his own desire to live a safe life. When safe is no longer an option he's faced with the choice between becoming a cop or staying a victim.

Many of the directions and decisions in the movie were surprising and all the drama is punctuated with surprisingly intense action. I really don't understand why this movie didn't get a better reception. It's not as universally awesome as The Departed, but it is a really intense cop movie filled with excellent dramatic performances.

Highlights: The really gritty, graphic, and intense action sequences punctuating a good drama/revenge flick.

Who Should See It: Fans Wahlberg or Joaquin and action, cop, or revenge movie buffs.

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever you wish!

Blacula - 1972

What It Is: A surprisingly watchable blaxploitation take on classic vampire films!

Why I Watched It: I dig vampires, I dig the delightful 'wrongness' that is exploitation cinema. What's not to love about a movie that combines both?

What I Thought: It was actually pretty good!

NY Diva was dead on when she said, "it combines campy blaxploitation movies with campy horror movies" and let me tell you friends, these are two great tastes that taste great together.

The plot made more sense than a lot of today's horror films, the acting was way better than I'd hoped, and the effects (from bullets to bites to burning vampires) were good too! That covers all the vampire movie parts of the flick, but what about it's exploitation side?

I've seen a lot of grindhouse and exploitation movies, but let me tell ya' turkeys, Blacula just jumped to the top of the list! The fro's are big, the clothes are pimp, and the slang epithets are common enough to make this Generation Y movie slut all kinds of politically uncomfortable. Words like "nigger" and "faggot" were thrown around by black actors as well as white, without a single one being used negatively. The fact that they were simply labels was the most unnerving part!

Don't let a bit of outdated language turn you away though, Blacula is good vampire flick and an above par blaxploitation film.

Dig This!: Awesome dialogue, decent plot, fantastic costumes, a character named "Skillet", good action, and actual flames on actual people!

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans and vampire fans everywhere.

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever you want!

Theme Month - February 2008!

A very good friend over at NY Diva reminded me that February is Black History Month and preceeded to offer an excellent idea.

"Why not do a blaxploitation theme for February and watch all the classics?"

I responded with a healthy "Fuck yeah!" and preceeded to scour Netflix for all the best blaxploitation classics from the '70s. I'm sure I'll throw in the usual number of new releases as well, but all my Netflicking for Feb. will be nothin' but soul. You're in for a treat kids.

After much deliberation, here's the final list of 10 films I picked for Blaxploitation Month.

Blackula, Shaft, Shaft's Big Score!, Coffy, Foxy Brown, Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, Dolemite, Superfly, Cooley High, and The Mack.

Check back soon!

-Movie Slut

The Warriors - 1979

What It Is: A great 70's flick about a group of wayward soldiers that must fight their way home, over 100 miles of turf controlled by every other gang in the city.

Why I Watched It: It was a favorite when I was I kid and a friend raved about the new Director's Cut version.

What I Thought: The Director's Cut makes a good movie simply fucking incredible!

The Warriors is a colorful, sometimes moving, sometimes cheesy story of violence, mayhem, revenge, adventure, betrayal, blah, blah, blah. The costumes are crazy over-the-top, but that's all part of the fun. The dialogue is stiff but it lends itself to the surrealism of the whole production. The 70's soundtrack is awesome! Last but not least... the mostly deserted streets of 70's New York provide a surreal backdrop for the whole show.

The story is an adaptation of the Greek tale Anabasis by Xenophon. I didn't know this when I was a kid, but I always felt there was a certain epic quality to the film that made it so moving and enjoyable. The new DVD demonstrates this connection nicely.

Highlights: The cast, the story, the setting, the costumes, and the dialogue come together famously, but one line from a very coked up Rogue is simply unforgettable!

Who Should See It: Action fans and anyone that enjoys a good epic myth.

How Soon: As soon as possible!

The Warriors (The Ultimate Director's Cut)

Assault on Precinct 13 - 1976

What It Is: John Carpenter's second film and a classic action/horror movie.

Why I Watched It: Cause it is a flagship title in one of my favorite sub-genres, siege movies.

What I Thought: This movie holds up surprisingly well for being 30 years old. It's just as chilling, unsettling, spooky, and classic as it was originally.

Since precinct 13 is moving to a new building, only a skeleton crew is left around for the place's last night. An unexpected guest arrives and the crew soon discovers he's being hounded by the toughest street gang in L.A. The good guys have to team up with the bad or no one will make it out alive.

It's got all the best action and themes from Night of the Living Dead 'cept we leave out the zombies and substitute intelligent, cooperative, gang bangers with automatic weapons!

Highlights: Napoleon, a non-comical strong black lead, and the first death of the film proving the movie is going to take an unexpected route.

Who Should See It: Carpenter fans, action fans, and horror fans!

How Soon: Right now!

Assault on Precinct 13 (Special Edition)

The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai (Hatsujô Kateikyôshi: Sensei no Aijiru) - 2003

What It Is: One of the strangest movies I have ever seen. And that says a lot!

Why I Watched It: The plot synopsis mentioned "slut turned brainiac . . . walked off with George W. Bush's finger . . . in this surreal sexploitation romp." Why would I not watch it?

What I Thought: One of the most frustrating things about being a "movie guy" is that the movies I most want to tell people about are usually the hardest to explain. C'est la vie!

Sachiko Hanai is a cult hit from the Japanese softcore genre known as "pink film." First there's a hooker that witnesses a black market deal and gets a bullet in the head for her trouble. Then the hooker wakes up a genius and wanders off with the black market object being sold. She then has sex with a lot of people, discovers the object is actually the cloned finger of President Bush, she has sex with the finger, and then decides to use it to remote trigger the world's nuclear devices.

There you go. What more could you possibly want to know about such a classy film? *evil grin*

Highlights: The first "money shot" has more "money" than I have ever seen, the film's depiction of W is simply priceless, a rape scene involves a cloned finger with a mind and mobility of it's own, and G.I. Joe figures are used to represent the American military.

Who Should See It: Only fans of the truly bizarre.

How Soon: Gather some friends that appreciate odd cinema and enjoy 90 minutes of the disturbing, hilarious, and sometimes arousing life of Sachiko Hanai.

Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace - 2004

What It Is: A very sophomoric sophomore attempt from Odessa Filmworks.

Why I Watched It: Odessa's last film was the awesome kung-fu musical, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

What I Thought: Simply liking one film by a writer/director/studio/whatever, does not mean you'll like their other works.

Much like a line from one of the songs featured in the movie, the film itself was indeed "running on empty." Unlike the very next line from the very same song, the film was not "running on awesome." Harry Knuckles did have a handful of very funny scenes, but it was way too long. At 2 hours in length, the movie followed a snails pace despite the director's mention of cutting an additional hour from the film.

Harry Knuckles' few good moments just weren't enough to make up for the slow and boring majority of the film.

Highlights: Action scenes involving gratuitous fist to genital introductions, intentionally bad one liners, and much, much more schlock.

Who Should See It: Nobody, watch the truly inspired Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter instead!

How Soon: Never.