The Uninvited Guest (El Habitante Incierto) - 2004

What It Is: A bad ass psychological romp from Spain.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. I stuck it in the Netflix Queue for a reason, but I'll be damned if I could remember why.

What I Thought: Sneakily, unexpectedly awesome!

Dude has a spat with his girl and she moves out. As soon as she does, he starts hearing odd noises in his house. He starts to believe these noises are made by someone in the house. As time goes on, dude starts to think these noises are actually being made by someone who's living in his house.

And the bizarrely fucking awesome just amplifies from there!!

Highlights: Parallels man, parallels.

Who Should See It: Smart people that like crazy, cool, weirdly, awesome movies.

How Soon: Sooner the better. This one's really good people!

Shaft In Africa - 1973

What It Is: The exciting but very different 3rd part of the Shaft trilogy.

Why I Watched It: I dug the first two. A lot.

What I Thought: Shaft in Africa wasn't the cream of the blaxploitation crop like the first two were, but it was still pretty good. Surprisingly, Shaft In Africa played more like a Bond film than a Shaft movie.

What's wrong with that? Not a damn thing, but if you're expecting a funky blaxploitation classic then you're looking in the wrong place.

I won't bother going into every Bond-like detail of the film. If you enjoy classic Bond films, then you'll dig Shaft In Africa. Plain and simple.

Dig This: A naked stick fight with its own choreographer, Bond villains, Bond gadgets, a Bond girl, and Shaft... in Africa!

Who Should See It: Shaft fans and Bond fans.

How Soon: Whenever

Shaft's Big Score! - 1972

What It Is: The bigger, flashier sequel to Shaft.

Why I Watched It: Blaxploitation month, baby!

What I Thought: In typical sequel fashion, Shaft's Big Score! had more explosions, more women, and more action than the first movie. Everything that was loveable from the first film, from Bumpy Jonas to Shaft smooth jiving the ladies, was back for more in the sequal.

A decent crook runs a small numbers racket out in Queens until his partner decides to blow him up so he can take over the business. Unfortunately for the partner, the crook was good friends with John Shaft.

Everything I said about Shaft easily holds true for the sequel, save for one thing. Isaac Hayes didn't do the music for Shaft's Big Score! so it wasn't near as good as the soundtrack for its predecessor. Despite this one drawback, the soundtrack isn't bad and the movie itself is very watchable.

Dig This: Richard Roundtree and Moses Gunn return for the sequel and there are way more guns, naked women, explosions, and helicopters than the first one!

Who Should See It: Fans of the first one will definitely dig the sequel.

How Soon: Anytime.

Gone Baby Gone - 2007

What It Is: A kidnapping mystery set in Boston, directed by *cough* Ben Affleck.

Why I Watched It: A reliable source told me it was surprisingly good.

What I Thought: Reliability goes a long way, it was good!

A little girl is kidnapped. A PI is hired to find her. He ends up digging into layer upon layer of cover up and conspiracy that twists the plot at least 3 different times. Awesome!

I really can't say enough about the plot twists and unfolding mystery of the story. It was one of the most interesting, involved, and surprising mysteries I've seen in a long time. So many modern films focus so heavily on a big reveal at the end, that they forget to make the most of the rest of the film. Gone Baby Gone doesn't have that problem. Layers upon layers my friend.

Casey Affleck is amazing as the private detective put on the case of a missing girl. I was very pleased to see that his partner/girlfriend in the film is the too-awesome-for-words Michelle Monaghan (from Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang)! Aside from these two badass leads, Gone Baby Gone features some incredible supporting performances by Ed Harris, Titus Welliver, and the always good Morgan Freeman, and Amy Ryan who earned herself a Best Supporting Actress nomination for the part. If you haven't gotten the picture, the acting in the movie is well above par.

The last thing that needs addressed is the moral questions presented in Gone Baby Gone. Many movies give you an interesting moral dilemma to discuss with your friends afterward. At the end of Seven, we're left wondering if what Pitt's character did to Spacey was right, wrong or somewhere in between. Gone Baby Gone gives us a hell of a moral quandary about halfway through the film, inviting you to decide whether the protagonist did the right thing. Then it compounds the issue further, blurring the black and white choices to increase the grey area. Then later, another revelation increases the grey area even more. By the end of the film, the moral issue is so grey there simply is no right or wrong. At that point, Gone Baby Gone invites you to ponder what the "right" decision is, when there is no "right" decision.

When the movie ended, it left me in a deeper state of reflection and general fucked-up-ness than even Requiem For A Dream had. That's fucking powerful!

Highlights: Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, layers of mystery and one giant of a moral dilemma!

Who Should See It: Mystery fans and people that enjoy having a LOT to talk about after a film.

How Soon: Whenever you're ready for one of the best films of 2007!

Shaft - 1971

What It Is: One of the two movies that started it all. A quintessential blaxploitation film.

Why I Watched It: It's Black History Month, baby. You dig?

What I Thought: For an almost 40-year-old movie, Shaft has just enough action, comedy, and mystery to compete with any modern day tale about a private dick.

Things are gettin' heavy in Harlem when a bunch of mob suits move in from out of town. The cops aren't down with the jive, so they need a brotha with an ear to the streets. They need a "private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks."

With a crime boss named "Bumpy" and a male lead bedding more chicks than James Bond, what more could you want from a blaxploitation film? An award winning theme song from Isaac (fucking) Hayes, that's what! And when I say award winning, I'm talking an Oscar for Best Music: Song. That's right kids, Isaac Hayes won an Academy Award for being "a bad mother... Shut your mouth!"

In some ways, the 70's were pretty fucking cool...

Dig This: Simply AMAZING soundtrack, Richard Roundtree's performance as John Shaft is basically the mold for every badass anti-hero type since, and 'groovy boobs' with the line "close it yourself, shitty!"

Who Should See It: Fans of detective stories, cop movies, blaxploitation films, and groovy... soundtracks!

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever you need to dig a cool cat that don't take jive from nobody!

One Missed Call - 2007

What It Is: A mediocre American remake of a (probably much better) Japanese thriller.

Why I Watched It: I wanted to see a movie with a friend and there wasn't much else to see that week.

What I Thought: Blah.

Unoriginal and poorly told ghost story that felt way too much like The Ring. Apparently, I'm not the first to think so either. The almighty Wikipedia says, "Although the film is a remake of Chakushin Ari, the film has been strongly criticised of borrowing plot elements and being similar to The Grudge, The Ring and Pulse." It's worth mentioning that this particular Wikipedia quote is backed by six citations.

Highlights: I'm starting to dig Edward Burns.

Who Should See It: Seriously, the film features nothing new. Skip it.

How Soon: SKIP IT

Satan's Little Helper - 2004

What It Is: A super low budget slasher flick.

Why I Watched It: I'm not really sure. Probably the name.

What I Thought: It was a bad movie, very bad, but it did have an interesting premise.

A little kid idolizes Satan and sees a killer dressed as Satan during Halloween. As a game, he decides to 'help' the killer go about his business thinking all the victims are playing along and all the blood is "special effects". Yeah, it's hard to swallow and even harder to execute well in a film. But it's pretty fucking disturbing when you think about it!

Highlights: The kid's impressive innocence, Katheryn Winnick is pretty cute, and "Satan's" mask was really fucking creepy.

Who Should See It: Hard core slasher fans are probably the only ones that could tolerate it.

How Soon: Take your time.

Unknown - 2006

What It Is: A clever movie about identity and choices.

Why I Watched It: I have no idea. Seriously. Sometimes movies just have a way of... popping up in my Netflix Queue and I can't remember what caused me to put them there. Unknown was one of them.

What I Thought: The acting wasn't wonderful, but it definitely didn't detract from any enjoyment during the film. That's more than I can say about quite a few movies.

The story for Unknown is where the awesome really is! Five guys slowly come back to consciousness, they're locked in a small warehouse, most of them are injured, one is tied to a chair, and one is handcuffed and shot. None of them remember what happened! In the first 10 minutes of the film, they learn that criminals will arrive in a few hours.

It becomes a race to find an exit and a race to remember which side they're on. Who's a criminal and who's a victim?!

Highlights: Trust is handled very nicely and there are a few good twists as people remember things they'd rather not.

Who Should See It: Anybody that wants a good mystery.

How Soon: Put it on your list. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you finally get around to it!

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang - 2005

*If you're not sure why this post looks different, read the explanation.*

I was lucky enough to catch Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang in the theater during its all-to-short run. Ive been waiting impatiently for the DVD ever since! Watching the movie the first time really caught me off guard and its just as pleasantly surprising on the small screen at home. I originally got excited due to the extreme lack of publicity that this secret Val Kilmer flick was getting. Kilmers low key projects seem to be some of his best work. Remember The Salton Sea? What I didnt expect was to be blown away by an awesome story, incredibly fun (and funny!) dialogue, and fantastic performances by Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr., and a pre-MI:3 Michelle Monaghan!

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is a murder mystery in the best old fashioned, pulp detective story sense possible. Taking that into consideration, I naturally cant give away too much of the plot here. It should be sufficient, however, to say a few things. A guy makes his living as a petty thief on the east coast. One night, a job goes bad and he gets chased by cops. During the chase, he decides to duck into a building and suddenly finds himself in the middle of a movie audition. The thief aces the audition and immediately gets whisked away to the west coast to become a big star. The studio execs assign him to shadow one of L.A.s finest private detectives in order to research his new part. After witnessing a murder, the detective, the struggling actress, and the thief (thats pretending to be an actor thats pretending to be a detective) must solve the mystery or theyll end up dead.

Confused? I wouldnt blame you. The movie, within a movie, within a movie, wrapped in an enigma would be incredibly hard to keep track of without the superb narration by Robert Downey Jr. as the thief. Not does the narration provide the glue that holds this convoluted story together, its exceptionally witty asides are the cherry on top of the delicious sundae that is Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. It seems that Hollywood in general has become too afraid to use narration as a storytelling device these days. A good narration provided by one of the films main protagonists can be a great source for inside information about the characters thoughts and motivations. I think its a terrible shame that this device isnt used more often, but perhaps it is that very rarity which creates such a pleasant surprise when it is used.

The incredibly witty narration reflects the awesome dialogue and story penned by Lethal Weapons Shane Black. The banter between characters is some of the best Ive ever seen! The film includes a myriad of priceless lines that will be instantly to your repertoire of movie quotes. While remaining consistently funny, the dialogue also manages to stay realistic. I never got the impression that the characters were too funny or that people in the real world never would have come up with a comment like that. Its also worth a special note that approximately every 20 minutes or so, something completely unexpected happens in the film. These WTF? moments constantly caught me by surprise, took the movie in an entirely new direction, and provided periodic reminders of just how fantastic this story was.

Although the best scripts can be easily ruined by bad acting, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang has nothing to fear in that department. Val Kilmer nails his role as the private detective, Gay Perry. He provides the perfect foil for the thief played by Robert Downey Jr. Sometimes a run of bad roles or mediocre scripts can make me forget exactly how much I like certain actors, it has been a long time since Wonder Boys and The Salton Sea. This little film reminded me of the talent that these two stars can bring to bear when a good script actually calls for them to step up. Michelle Monaghan adds a fresh face and a little spice to the mix as the thiefs high school dream girl struggling to find an acting career in LA. Her performance as Cruises wife in MI:3 doesnt showcase her talents near as well as this one, although thats probably not her fault. I can easily see Tom Cruise saying cut some of her lines so I can have more.

Sadly, the only unfortunate experience about the Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang DVD experience is the actual DVD treatment itself. An exceptional movie is supported by nothing more than a mediocre outtake reel, the theatrical trailer, and a commentary track including Val Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr., and director Shane Black. Disappointed by the gag reel, I turned my hopes toward the commentary. I was initially excited to learn that the lead actors and the director were on the same track. That excitement didnt last long when the seemingly tired voices began discussing the film or each other, but rarely pointing out anything truly interesting. From a film that cost a mere $15 million to make, only to make $4 million at the box office, its no wonder that there wasnt a lot of surplus funds to make an amazing DVD. Although, I bet a better DVD would go pretty far to compensate for that box office loss. I think the only hope now is to rent or buy the movie, tell your friends about it, and hope for the inevitable special edition should this movie ever achieve the cult status it deserves.

Do I wish the DVD had some cooler features? Of course. Am I glad I bought it anyway? Hell yes! As always, the decision is ultimately up to you. If nothing else, itll make a damn good rental! I recommend Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang for anyone that appreciates good acting, better scripts, dark comedy, detective stories, and a movie packed with so much wit that it has to be seen twice just to catch all the jokes. I dont suggest Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang to people that like their detective stories serious and humor free, people that prefer low-intelligence humor, or anyone thats too easily frustrated if they cant keep up with the jokes.

The Upside:Sarcastic, funny, smart, fast paced, surprising, and just plain fun!

The Downside:Horrible DVD treatment. Seriously. If not for the loss in sound or picture quality, this movie might as well be on VHS!

On the Side:The bear in the beer commercial is voiced by none other than Laurence Fishburne!

Making the Grade:

The Film: A

The Delivery: B

The Extras: D

Overall: B

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Widescreen Edition)

Director Spotlight - Dario Argento

Why I Watched His Movies: Argento is a world famous horror director with many, many cult classics under his belt. No film buff worth his salt can ignore a legend like Dario Argento for long.

What I Thought: Argento is famous for his shockingly violent giallo (Italy's answer to American pulp) slasher films and thrillers. Think of him sort of like a gory Alfred Hitchcock and that about sums him up.

With twenty some titles under his belt, the Argento formula becomes pretty obvious. His movies tend to involve female leads introduced to a series of gruesome murders. As the lead works towards the identity of the killer, the murders get closer and closer to home until they're the next target. Despite being so formulaic, Argento's films remain consistently watchable.

Argento's affect on the horror genre cannot be understated, especially among sub-genres like supernatural thrillers and slasher movies.

Highlights: My favorite Argento films are Suspiria, Opera, and Phenomena. He's the father of the raven-haired vixen, Asia Argento. Many of his films involve POV shots where you see only the killer's hands, Argento almost exclusively used his own hands for these shots.

Who Should See His Movies: Horror and classic movie buffs, anyone that can appreciate some good gore, and anyone that wishes to see the predecessor of modern directors like Eli Roth, Rob Zombie, or Wes Craven.

How Soon: Anytime you want to enjoy a juicy bit of film history!

Phenomena - 1985

Why I Watched It: It was the last movie in the Dario Argento mini-marathon that I borrowed from a friend.

What I Thought: I liked a lot better than Deep Red or Tenebre, but it's still not as good as Opera and Suspiria.

Phenomena is your typical story about a boardinghouse girl (Jennifer Connelly!) that defends herself against a family of murdering freaks by using her ESP to control hordes of friendly insects. I know, I know. You've seen the story a dozen times, but give Phenomena a chance if you want to enjoy a fun, campy classic.

The entire production was a refreshing break from Argento's standard formula. Quirky Italian band, Goblin, didn't do the music for one thing. The supernatural additions of ESP and bugs were a nice touch as well. Phenomena also wasn't quite as gory as most of Argento's films and featured a few elements that were uncharacteristically silly.

Like a heroic revenge monkey. Seriously, anyone that can stand a bit of camp absolutely HAS to see the coolness of the heroic revenge monkey! I'll explain by way of example. You remember that part of every action or horror movie when the protagonist is driving the car, swerving madly to knock the killer off the roof? Well Phenomena spices up the old formula by putting the killer in the car, swerving madly to knock heroic revenge monkey off the roof. HRM was such an awesome part of Phenomena that I'm giving the movie a "revenge" tag just for him!

Highlights: Favorite cult actors like Donald Pleasance and Patrick Bauchau, a pre-Labyrinth Jennifer Connelly, and the glorious Monky of Heroic Vengeance!

Who Should See It: Argento fans, horror buffs, Connelly fans, and anyone that wishes to bask in gory hijinks of the HRM.

How Soon: It's on DVD so catch it anytime you want. It would prove a really good choice for any campy horror marathon.

Phenomena

The Reaping -2007

Why I Watched It: Because "religious horror" is one of my very favorite sub-genres.

What I Thought: Better than expected. The Reaping promised a scary movie about biblical plagues and it delivered exactly that.

In The Reaping, a small town believes it's suffering from biblical style plagues, water to blood and all that. Hilary Swank is sent to calm the townsfolk down and find the real, read "scientific", reason behind the strange occurrences. It turns out that Swank's character is also a devout atheist, after losing her family on a mission trip, and spends much of the movie struggling with her own faith. The horror theme and the redemption theme are covered well by the end of the movie, just before a few good twists and turns.

I was EXTREMELY delighted when the supernatural threat of the movie continued to escalate, but no scientific reasoning could be found. I get increasingly sick of all the good horror tales that promise monsters only to reveal that it was all just a guy in a suit. *Perfect embodiments of my frustration can be found in M. Night Shamble-on's The Village and every single fucking episode of Scooby Doo. I hated that show!* The Reaping promised supernatural plagues and that's exactly what I got. I was one happy Slut.

The Reaping's best quality was probably it's twists at the end. Remember the twists from great flicks like Fight Club, Usual Suspects, and Jacob's Ladder? The twist happens at the very end, right, and turns the whole movie around for you? Well, The Reaping has a really good twist at the climax, follows through with the resolution, then delivers a final blow just before the credits roll. Good stuff!

Highlights: The twists and another great performance by AnnaSophia Robb (played Leslie in Bridge to Terabithia and Violet in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

Who Should See It: Horror fans, especially religious horror fans.

How Soon: It's already been in theaters for 2 weeks and it probably won't stay long with all the big summer movies coming. Catch it on DVD for a good night in though!

Deep Red (Profondo Rosso) - 1975

Why I Watched It: It's a Dario Argento film and a friend recommended it.

What I Thought: See my Tenebre post. Another Argento movie horribly similar to all the rest, except (very unlike Argento) half of Deep Red is actually in Italian. Subtitles and everything!

Highlights: See my Tenebre post for the bit about Goblin. One of the best elevator decapitations I've ever seen!

Who Should See It: Argento fans, but they could skip it too.

How Soon: Rent this DVD only if there's absolutely nothing else to watch.

Tenebre/Deep Red

Tenebre (Tenebrae) - 1982

Why I Watched It: Dario Argento is one of modern horror's forefathers. His movies are decent suspense/thriller fare and a friend told me Tenebre was worth a watch.

What I Thought: It was worth a watch only to put another Argento sized notch in my belt. It's nice to have another point of reference when discussing classic horror in educated circles, but the movie itself wasn't particularly awesome.

Tenebre follows the classic Argento themes of blood, serial murder, and mystery almost to the letter. This means it's painfully similar to every other Argento film I've seen. Opera was the first Argento film I watched (my first introduction to his 'formula') and so far my favorite (probably because it was the first).

As far as actual violence and shock, the film was interesting but fell very short of anything seen in Opera or Suspiria. If you want a taste of Argento's penchant for in-your-face gore, check out one of those films instead.

Highlights: Yet another weird soundtrack by Italian progressive-rock band, Goblin. They did the soundtracks for Suspiria and Deep Red as well as Argento's own Italian cut of Romero's Dawn of the Dead.

Who Should See It: Argento fans, but only if you must.

How Soon: Borrow the DVD from a friend or something if you must. I strongly recommend you don't pay money to see it.

Tenebre/Deep Red