Review Dump - June 2008

War, Inc. - 2008

What It Is: Witty satire on the privatization of the military.
What I Thought: Equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and scary!

Robocop - 1987

What It Is: Old-school ultra-violent sci-fi action movie.
What I Thought: I watched some graphic shit as a kid, and still love it today!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

What It Is: The first Indy movie in 19 years.

What I Thought: Just as awesome as the originals, and Shia was cool too.

F*ck - 2005

What It Is: A fun and funny documentary on a very flexible word.
What I Thought: A lot of really fucking funny fuckers enter-fucking-tained me.

Fool's Gold - 2008

What It Is: Adventure film with the dim-witted but lovable McConaughey.
What I Thought: A dim-witted but lovable film.

The Edge of Heaven (Auf der anderen Seite) - 2007

What It Is: A gritty drama by the director of Head On.
What I Thought: Visceral, but not quite as cool as Head On.

Mad Money - 2008

*I never would've watched this movie voluntarily. So a Mini-Slut graciously provided this review for us!*

What it is: A tale of three women who work for the Federal Reserve who plot to steal the soon-to-be recycled cash.

Why I Watched It: I like Queen Latifah (especially in Chicago) and I assumed that she could do no wrong. Obviously, I was mistaken, but I blame Katie.

What I Thought: Oh dear god, where to begin…First of all, I couldn’t finish it.

I hated all of the characters in the movie, except for Queen Latifah’s character. She was stealing money to pay for better schools for her kids. Diane Keaton was a selfish Upper Middle Class house wife who couldn’t take responsibility for her consumerist lifestyle. Not a very flattering role, I’m more used to you being neurotic and horny. Katie Holmes’s character is a twit. Not a far reach for someone of her acting capacity, but shit I’d lick toilet bowls to get away from Tom Cruise biting my ankles and poking me with toy lasers.

But the story was not very believable. They’d walk out of the Reserve with cash sticking out of their underwear in full sight of everyone, like they were strippers. Who exactly are they fooling? Tom Cruise maybe?

Also they have their facts wrong. According to IMDB: When currency is destroyed at a Federal Reserve, it is carefully accounted for: serial number, denomination, and destroy date. During cash processing, no employee at the Federal Reserve is allowed to be left alone with the money. In Federal Reserve cash processing facilities, multiple denominations of money are never allowed to mingle.

So, my theory is: Katie Holmes paid some poor writer [to give] her a part that was easy to act out so she could get away from her bat-shit crazy husband and his sci-fi nutjob followers. And she must’ve paid Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah a shitload of money to go in on it, to make it look like a legitimate movie. Katie, you are a sly one.

Highlights: The Screensaver on the DVD after I turned it off.

Who Should See It: [She didn't say, but I'm guessing no one.]

How Soon: [Again, she didn't say. I'm guessing never.]

*I'm the Movie Slut and I approve this message. :-P*

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

What It Is: The almost-awesome sequel to the awesome Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

Why I Watched It: The first one was excellent!

What I Thought: Overall, it was good.

It started a little slow, not so funny, and uncomfortably lewd (like twisting in your seat trying to dodge the obscenity flying at you lewd). Eventually, though, H&K2 managed to settle into a good and funny (if sometimes disturbing) groove.

The absolute coolest thing about the film, is that the plot of H&K2 begins approximately 2.5 minutes after the first movie. How awesome is that? I can't recall a single other sequel that literally continued the plot of the first film like that. It was very cool.

Keep in mind, this movie was funny, but the first movie was AWESOME. It's an important distinction.

Highlights: The "My Dick" song, Doogie's back, and . . . the bottomless party!

Who Should See It: Fans of the first film and of brainless humor in general.

How Soon: Whenever you need an easy if unsettling laugh.

Streets of Fire - 1984

What It Is: "A Rock & Roll Fable"

Why I Watched It: Being huge Warriors fans, we took a chance on another movie directed by Walter Hill.

What I Thought: Almost too awesome for words!

Streets of Fire is just fucking bizarre. So much of the movie was terrible (stiff acting, dialogue, etc), yet it's got more style than 95% of the movies made today. It's almost as if all the bad parts of the movie were blended together in such a skillful way that the end result was far, far greater than it's parts.

The plot involves a singer (Diane Lane) who's kidnapped by a gang (led by Willem Dafoe). The singer's friend sends a letter to her soldier-for-hire brother (Michael Pare) asking for help. The brother swaggers into town like so many other action hero loners to rescue the girl and defeat the Bombers. The plot felt fundamentally similar to a million other fantasy movies, action movies, and westerns, but the template of 80's rock and roll kept it fresh and fun.

I really don't know what else to say. This movie produced a feeling that is hard to put into words. Rest assured though, it was a really fucking good feeling.

Highlights: Pare as an awesome renegade hero type, Dafoe as a cool (if mildly androgynous) villain, exploding shotgun shells, scrappy sidekicks, awesomely cheesy dialogue, and a fucking sledge hammer duel!

Who Should See It: 80s movie fans and fans of other (not-so) musicals.

How Soon: Anytime!

The Forbidden Kingdom - 2008

*I'm including an additional section for this review, based on all the mixed opinions I've heard regarding the film.*

What It Is Not: A stylish Asian martial arts epic along the lines of Crouching Tiger or Hero.

*Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can continue.*

What It Is: A fun martial arts adventure film... from Hollywood.

Why I Watched It: Jet Li and Jackie Chan, in the same movie!

What I Thought: Forbidden Kingdom was amazing. It was a super slick, updated version of all the crazy fantasy adventure films of my childhood.

Forbidden Kingdom was a lot of fun, but it wasn't the serious epic drama that a lot of people seem to be expecting. The movie starts with a normal American kid that loves old kung fu movies. Some bully's force him to help with a robbery, where he ends up with a magic staff that transports him to the China-like fantasy world known as the Middle Kingdom. In order to save the Middle Kingdom, he's got to return the staff to Monkey King.

The movie had far more in common with The Neverending Story and The Last Starfighter than it did with the recent slew of stylish martial arts epics. Hell, drop the sci-fi from The Last Starfighter and substitute some 70's kung fu and you're left with Forbidden Kingdom.

All that being said, the comedy was rough in some spots, but generally hilarious in others. The adventure aspects were super fun and the fight scenes were fucking amazing! I especially liked the myriad styles of kung fu that were showcased, from Eagle Claw to Drunken style.

Oh yeah. About the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, it simply should not be missed!

Highlights: Summoning rain, drunken style, tiger style sound effects, hot girls, crazy hair, the Monkey King, and Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same fucking movie!

Who Should See It: Fans of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, or Wushu in general.

How Soon: Catch it in the theater! It's far more fun than anything else out there right now.

Ice Pirates - 1984

What It Is: Classic sci-fi/action/comedy!

Why I Watched It: Me and a friend were exchanging sci-fi favorites from our childhood.

What I Thought: Just as much fun as it was when I was 8!

In the distant future, the galaxy runs dry. The only planet left with any water becomes the tyrannical controlling government and ships ice to other planets that depend on it. A few rogues are determined to engage in a little free enterprise and liberate some of this ice, until they get word of a lost water planet that will make them all rich.

Though Ice Pirates is a bit dated, it's still a lot of crazy fun.

Highlights: Ron Pearlman, blasters, swords, unicorns, androids, robots, toilet humor, space herpes, passion storms, timewarps, frog women, Mad Max style land vehicles, and swashbuckling abound!

Who Should See It: Fans of cheesy sci-fi, 80's movies, comedies, pirate movies, and especially cheesy 80's sci-fi pirate comedy movies!

How Soon: Whenever you're ready to be a kid again.

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead - 1990

What It Is: Tim Roth and Gary Oldman in the untold story of Hamlet's most minor characters.

Why I Watched It: Recommended by a trusted friend.

What I Thought: I'm fairly certain that this very funny movie would have been even better if I went in knowing something about Hamlet. I have no aversion to Shakespeare, but Hamlet is one of his works I never got around to seeing/reading.

Roth and Oldman are as fantastically excellent as you would expect. I believe this is only the second time I've seen Oldman in a comedy role and the guy's really fucking good.

The plot is lots of fun because it follows the existentialist misadventure's of Hamlet's minor characters and enlightens us on all their ridiculous activities between their appearances in the Hamlet story proper. The very best of which is a Question Match they hold on a tennis court involving a sort of debate following tennis scoring. It sounds weird, but it's amazingly awesome to watch.

Highlights: Roth and Oldman succeeding marvelously in comedy roles, an excellent performance by Richard Dreyfuss deserves mention as well, the Question Match, and the general level of philosophical absurdity throughout the whole picture.

Who Should See It: Fans of Shakespeare, Roth or Oldman. Fans of existential comedies like I Heart Huckabees and Being John Malkovich.

How Soon: Next time you want to do some thinking with your laughing.

Free Jimmy (Slipp Jimmy Fri) - 2006

What It Is: Norway's first computer animated feature length film that just happens to be about militant vegans, potheads, bikers, and one junky elephant.

Why I Watched It: Animated junky elephants!

What I Thought: The animation was a bit rough, but I don't feel it detracted from the enjoyment of the story at all. The movie would've been that much better with a little Pixar-style gloss added though.

Free Jimmy was expectedly amoral, refreshingly European, and surprisingly graphic. The movie covered drug addiction pretty well and then surprised me with scenes of CG sex and explosive decapitation. I should probably mention that Free Jimmy is NOT a children's movie.

Despite all of Jimmy's best intentions, the movie still felt lacking. I'm not sure if it was the unpolished animation, the English cast, or the downer ending, but Free Jimmy definitely needed something else. Maybe one of you brave movie sluts will check it out for yourselves and toss an opinion my way?

I'm not joking about the downer ending by the way. I'll go ahead and warn you now. Free Jimmy is like Requiem for a Dream with an animated elephant.

Highlights: Surprise CG sex, anti-American sentiment (an American refers to non-Americans as "ethnically challenged"!), and a Tarantino style crime plot in an animated feature!

Who Should See It: Um, I have no idea. The morbidly curious?

How Soon: ???

Cooley High - 1975

What It Is: "the black American Graffiti" -Netflix.com

Why I Watched It: The movie was pointed to several times during my search for blaxploitation films.

What I Thought: Netflix's description was pretty apt. There's a lot to dig about Cooley High.

Like a typical high school movie, Cooley High is a snapshot of two friends over one hell of a weekend. Glynn Turman's character "Preach" was not only the main character, but his role really made the whole production stand out for me.

There's really not much I can say that "American Graffiti" doesn't cover. It's a good flick. It's dramatic, it rings true, and it's fun. Watch it!

Highlights: Preach being smooth with the ladies, Garrett Morris as "Mr. Mason", and the fake police badge.

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans and people that can always watch a good high school movie.

How Soon: It's definitely not going anywhere.

In Bruges - 2008

What It Is: A dark comedy with Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell as hit men hiding out In Bruges after a job.

Why I Watched It: A very good friend with very good taste recommended it. That's enough for me!

What I Thought: Check the genre tags at the bottom of this post and you'll see just how much stuff was going on in the film. The thing is, all that shit actually worked together and the movie was really good!

First off, the film was just the kind of smart, quick, and funny that reminded me of all the good Guy Ritchie movies. Secondly, the movie just wouldn't have been possible with shoddy actors and everyone held up there end for the film. Brenden Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes were good as usual, but Colin Farrell deserves special mention.

Despite what a friend of mine thought, I thought Farrell played against type very well. He's usually Mr. SexyCoolGuy in roles that could be filled by whoever the trendiest Hollywooder happens to be at the time. For In Bruges, he was a funny, pitiable, and just about anything but cool. I was impressed. I didn't know the guy had it in him!

Highlights: Shocking violence mixed with razor wit, slapstick hilarity, and the "fantasy world" setting of Bruges.

Who Should See It: Fans of Farrell, Gleeson, or Fiennes as well as dark comedy lovers.

How Soon: Catch it whenever you can!

Balls of Fury - 2007

What It Is: A comedy about a secretive underground ping-pong circuit.

Why I Watched It: Christopher Walken.

What I Thought: Balls of Fury was much more fun than I expected!

Humor me enough to allow my math/logic mind yet another equation to represent this film...


Enter the Dragon - martial arts + ping-pong = Balls of Fury

Really. The film follows the same plot as Enter the Dragon, but uses a ping-pong tournament instead of a martial arts championship. Surprisingly, it works!

Highlights: Maggie Q is quite the cutie, Dan Fogler was a good lead, Jason Scott Lee was hilarious, the cameos were fun, and Christopher Walken was awesome!

Who Should See It: Fans of comedy sport movies (Dodgeball), Christopher Walken fans, and people that won't mind a parody of Enter the Dragon.

How Soon: When you need a good laugh.

Hot Rod - 2007

What It Is: An SNL movie about a kid's attempt to live up to his stuntman father's legacy.

Why I Watched It: I hoped to find a good joke or two.

What I Thought: I found more than two jokes, but not many more. I haven't seen a "good" SNL movie since Superstar. Sure, they all have a few good jokes, but they all ultimately leave me wanting.

Andy Samberg is decent as Rod, but the cute Isla Fisher (The Lookout) and the immeasurably awesome Ian McShane (Deadwood) did all the real entertaining. The acting in Hot Rod is barely passable, but the plot itself was just preposterous enough to hold my attention. That, and spending the entire film trying to determine where I'd seen Isla Fisher before.

On the other hand, Ian McShane was amazing! In a complete contrast of his villainous role in Deadwood as Al Swearengen, McShane played Rod's tough love stepfather. Every scene with him was hilarious! This guy really needs to take more comedy parts!

Highlights: All the failed stunts, Isla Fisher, and a very funny McShane!

Who Should See It: Fans of McShane's and the kind of viewers that enjoy the (mostly) brainless comedy you get with SNL.

How Soon: Whenever.

The Ten - 2007

What It Is: A comedy featuring many alums from The State in ten (commandment-inspired) stories.

Why I Watched It: Cause it was by the crew from The State.

What I Thought: It was weird, really weird, but it was pretty fucking funny.

The film's format was rather novel: ten short stories (almost like little comedy skits), each one based around one of the ten commandments, with subsequent stories bringing back previous characters and plot lines.

I don't know what else to say, it was just as oddly funny as The State and Wet Hot American Summer (the other movie they did).

Highlights: Jesus, living in a black void, being stuck in the ground, prison bitches and . . . va-hee-na!

Who Should See It: Anybody that loves to laugh, epsecially when the joke isn't exactly funny but laughing seems like the only applicable response.

How Soon: Vvvva-hee-na...

Enchanted - 2007

*I had no desire to see this movie, so a Mini-Slut stepped in for me...*

What It Is: A Disney-mocks-Disney, cutesy children’s movie.

Why I Watched It: Because I can’t resist children’s movies, and there is a small romantic part of me that has yet to die.

What I Thought: Well, I giggled and as the movie slut will tell you, that’s as good a recommendation as any coming from me.

Enchanted is about a fairy tale princess-to-be, Giselle, who meets and falls in love with Prince Edward in the opening of the movie. The evil stepmother, Queen Narissa, does not want to lose her throne when the prince marries, so she pushes Giselle down a well and she pops out of a manhole in Manhattan. Throughout the movie, the other characters end up popping out of the same manhole and it becomes sort of a running joke. Anyway, she’s in NYC and we’re shown, through various interactions with locals, how different it is from the fairy tale, happily ever after sort of world. Giselle is taken in by Robert and his daughter Morgan and they all begin to change each others’ lives.

Disney throws in song and dance numbers to bring a little magic to the city and to Robert’s life. I think the end result was supposed to show us that even though it’s a cold world we live in, there can still be a little love, romance, and magic if we all just believe. Or something.

Enchanted provided a nice 107 minute escape from both reality and my mother’s house the day after Thanksgiving. Although, it did have the effect of making me want true love’s kiss. Where’s MY prince charming?

Highlights: the adorable exchange between Giselle and Morgan in the hair salon, any scene with Pip the chipmunk, and for Grey’s Anatomy fans there’s that McDreamy fellow.

Who Should See It: Kids, those with kids, or those who like to watch movies while surrounded by a theatre full of them (what could possibly beat the giggling of small children?).

How Soon: If you’re going to see it, do it while it’s still in theatres. It would be less entertaining without childish giggles in the background (or rent it and invite me over, I’ll giggle for you).

*This Mini-Slut Review come from NY Diva, Disney's target audience.*

Scenes of a Sexual Nature - 2006

What It Is: A dramedy about sex, love, and relationships.

Why I Watched It: You mean besides my man-love for Ewan McGregor? You have to admit the film has a catchy title.

What I Thought: While catchy titles don't make good movies, sometimes good movies do have catchy titles.

The film involves a half dozen couples all struggling with relationships in their own way and it's shot entirely on location at Hampstead Heath (a sort of Central Park in London). The movie has a really good ensemble cast with Ewan McGregor and Adrian Lester among the most notable and covers relationship related issues from attraction to divorce.

Some of the issues featured were incredibly fascinating. McGregor played a gay man attempting to talk his lover into adoption and Adrian Lester played a recent divorcee that still got along famously with his ex-wife. The best part of the film however, was definitely the old couple. A lone elderly man asks to share a bench with an older female and it soon becomes apparent that, over 50 years ago, they were once lovers! It was really quite adorable!

Highlights: McGregor as a gay man, Adrian Lester's character was just as lovable as Mickey (Hustle), but the older couple was just too cute for words.

Who Should See It: Hopeful romantics, as well as fans of Ewan McGregor or Adrian Lester.

How Soon: I bet it'd make a great movie for date night!

Roger Dodger - 2002

What It Is: A dark comedy about a womanizing uncle and his nice guy nephew learning important lessons from each other.

Why I Watched It: Dark comedies are yummy and I dig films with protagonists that ooze confidence and status.

What I Thought: It's a decent little movie. Roger spends the flick giving seduction advice to his nephew while the kid reminds Roger about the importance of being a good person.

Campbell Scott plays an excellent high powered, big city asshole, admirable and contemptible all at once. Jesse Eisenburg was entertaining as the nephew as well, pitiable and respectable simultaneously.

While this was a standard "character receives important life lessons and becomes a better person" type movie, Roger Dodger is interesting for two key reasons. The particular lessons involved mostly relate to woman and dating, things every guy should know, and the women used to demonstrate those lessons are played by an interesting mix of actresses.

Roger Dodger features such gorgeous woman as Isabella Rosselini (Blue Velvet), Elizabeth Berkley (Saved By The Bell), Jennifer Beals (Flashdance), and Morena Baccarin (Firefly). Almost every actress with lines was someone important, someone capable of keeping your eyes from wondering off screen. They really helped to highlight the film, making a good movie just that much better.

Highlights: Jennifer Beals is always fun to watch in all the strange movies she pops up in, but the highlight of Roger Dodger was definitely the few minutes spent with the exceptionally beautiful Morena Baccarin!

Who Should See It: Fans of black comedies and anyone that could use a little advice for dealing with women.

How Soon: No hurry.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - 2007

What It Is: 2007's Adam Sandler picture where a fireman asks his male best friend to marry him so his kids won't go the state if something happens to him.

Why I Watched It: My teenage cousin begged me to watch it with him on Thanksgiving.

What I Thought: Originally, the previews made Chuck and Larry seem like every other Sandler flick and I had zero interest in watching. Once I actually sat down though, I realized that it was just like every other Sandler flick though I was surprised that homosexual themes were actually handled with a modicum of care.

The comedy makes all the usual counter-productive gay jokes as Chuck and Larry pretend to be gay by following every stereotype they know. As the movie continues though, Chuck and Larry suffer all of the prejudices from a majority population that holds all the same beliefs they did a few weeks earlier and understandably start to see things from the other side of the . . . rainbow.

Is Chuck and Larry a gay rights masterpiece? Most assuredly not, but I did appreciate the decent message of equality coming from a mainstream sophomoric comedy. Even if my younger cousin didn't care to catch the message, it was still there and he was laughing while (hopefully) learning.

As for the rest of the film, [Insert any review for any Sandler comedy here: "Blah, blah... Sandler was the usual idiot but still a little funny, there were tons of cameos, Kevin James was good but he was better in Hitch, Jessica Biel is crazy gorgeous, etc.]

Highlights: Jessica Biel in her knickers, a few good jokes amongst the hoard of bad ones, and an unexpected moral.

Who Should See It: Anyone looking for a, mostly, brainless comedy.

How Soon: Anytime.

Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace - 2004

What It Is: A very sophomoric sophomore attempt from Odessa Filmworks.

Why I Watched It: Odessa's last film was the awesome kung-fu musical, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

What I Thought: Simply liking one film by a writer/director/studio/whatever, does not mean you'll like their other works.

Much like a line from one of the songs featured in the movie, the film itself was indeed "running on empty." Unlike the very next line from the very same song, the film was not "running on awesome." Harry Knuckles did have a handful of very funny scenes, but it was way too long. At 2 hours in length, the movie followed a snails pace despite the director's mention of cutting an additional hour from the film.

Harry Knuckles' few good moments just weren't enough to make up for the slow and boring majority of the film.

Highlights: Action scenes involving gratuitous fist to genital introductions, intentionally bad one liners, and much, much more schlock.

Who Should See It: Nobody, watch the truly inspired Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter instead!

How Soon: Never.

A Boy and His Dog - 1975

What It Is: "Vic roams a post-apocalyptic wasteland accompanied by his telepathic, ever-grumbling dog, eventually winding up in the clutches of a female-dominated underground society that wants his sperm." -Netflix

Why I Watched It: How can you turn down a description like that?!

What I Thought: A Boy and His Dog was a fantastic movie! Think Mad Max and then add a helping of dark humor and a lot of misogyny.

I watched the flick with a couple friends and we all agreed it was amazing. Here's a movie that desperately deserves a remake, but it would just never be possible in today's politically correct world. The movie is morally wrong on so many levels that it somehow ends up being right!

I'm not going to say anything else about the movie. Set your morals aside, let your jaw drop with astonishment and WATCH IT!

Highlights: The dog's snappy dialogue was easily the best part of the film!

Who Should See It: Sci-fi fans, cult movie buffs, and everyone that enjoys a good tale about the power of love and sacrifice.

How Soon: Right now! Instant Watch it on Netflix, buy it from Amazon, do whatever you have to do. My copy's already in the mail!

A Boy & His Dog

The Toxic Avenger - 1985

What It Is: The flagship title from Troma about a geeky kid that becomes a monstrous hero.

Why I Watched It: I had never seen it.

What I Thought: It was awful but in a very intentionally enjoyable way. There's definitely a reason The Toxic Avenger earned its cult status.

The movie was originally intended as a horror film about an abused nerd that becomes a monstrous killing machine, but the hero vibe makes it much more of a campy and excessively violent action movie.

Highlights: Hilariously awful dialogue, gratuitous violence, and lots of topless women. What's not to love?!

Who Should See It: Appreciators of campy classics and superhero fans.

How Soon: It would make for a good rental with all your friends.