Review Dump - June 2008

War, Inc. - 2008

What It Is: Witty satire on the privatization of the military.
What I Thought: Equal parts funny, thought-provoking, and scary!

Robocop - 1987

What It Is: Old-school ultra-violent sci-fi action movie.
What I Thought: I watched some graphic shit as a kid, and still love it today!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

What It Is: The first Indy movie in 19 years.

What I Thought: Just as awesome as the originals, and Shia was cool too.

F*ck - 2005

What It Is: A fun and funny documentary on a very flexible word.
What I Thought: A lot of really fucking funny fuckers enter-fucking-tained me.

Fool's Gold - 2008

What It Is: Adventure film with the dim-witted but lovable McConaughey.
What I Thought: A dim-witted but lovable film.

The Edge of Heaven (Auf der anderen Seite) - 2007

What It Is: A gritty drama by the director of Head On.
What I Thought: Visceral, but not quite as cool as Head On.

Soldier - 1998

What It Is: A fucking awesome Kurt Russel sci-fi flick!

Why I Watched It: It was free and I couldn't remember if it was good or not.

What I Thought: I was . . . moved.

You think I'm joking? Not at all.

On the surface, Soldier is a sci-fi actioner about an aging vet that's replaced by a new breed of genetically engineered super soldiers only to face off against them when they threaten innocent refugees. If that's all it had going for it, Soldier still would've been entertaining.

Dig just a bit deeper (chemically aided or otherwise), however, and Soldier has a whole lot more going for it. It's really the story of a little boy handpicked by the military to be the perfect soldier. This boy (and others like him) was raised by the military from birth. Instead of playing, he learned close combat. Instead of catch, he learned how to keep his shot group tight with an automatic weapon. Most importantly however, he was never taught anything else. He was never socialized beyond military discipline, he never interacted with civilians and he never got a vacation. You get the idea.

So when you go deeper, Soldier is about this little boy who's forced to interact with civilians for the first time in his life. Abandoned by the military that trained him, he has to find a new purpose in life. He has to cope with his PTSD. He has to learn to let his guard down. He has to learn how to be human!

Not only is this emotional ride pulled off brilliantly, but Soldier struck me pretty hard because it resonated strongly with me by reminding me of my military friends and my 'Nam vet father. I strongly feel this was Kurt Russel's best performance EVER. When he's doing soldier things, he's a calm and confident alpha male. When that same grown man is hugged for the first time ever, he's a quivering frightened little boy. It's fucking amazing!

Highlights: Kurt's boyish blue eyes, the growl, Sean Pertwee, Gary Busey, fun action and an emotionally gripping story!

Who Should See It: Action fans, soldiers, and Russel or Busey fans.

How Soon: Sooner the better. Moved, man, moved!

The Forbidden Kingdom - 2008

*I'm including an additional section for this review, based on all the mixed opinions I've heard regarding the film.*

What It Is Not: A stylish Asian martial arts epic along the lines of Crouching Tiger or Hero.

*Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, I can continue.*

What It Is: A fun martial arts adventure film... from Hollywood.

Why I Watched It: Jet Li and Jackie Chan, in the same movie!

What I Thought: Forbidden Kingdom was amazing. It was a super slick, updated version of all the crazy fantasy adventure films of my childhood.

Forbidden Kingdom was a lot of fun, but it wasn't the serious epic drama that a lot of people seem to be expecting. The movie starts with a normal American kid that loves old kung fu movies. Some bully's force him to help with a robbery, where he ends up with a magic staff that transports him to the China-like fantasy world known as the Middle Kingdom. In order to save the Middle Kingdom, he's got to return the staff to Monkey King.

The movie had far more in common with The Neverending Story and The Last Starfighter than it did with the recent slew of stylish martial arts epics. Hell, drop the sci-fi from The Last Starfighter and substitute some 70's kung fu and you're left with Forbidden Kingdom.

All that being said, the comedy was rough in some spots, but generally hilarious in others. The adventure aspects were super fun and the fight scenes were fucking amazing! I especially liked the myriad styles of kung fu that were showcased, from Eagle Claw to Drunken style.

Oh yeah. About the fight scene between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, it simply should not be missed!

Highlights: Summoning rain, drunken style, tiger style sound effects, hot girls, crazy hair, the Monkey King, and Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same fucking movie!

Who Should See It: Fans of Jet Li, Jackie Chan, or Wushu in general.

How Soon: Catch it in the theater! It's far more fun than anything else out there right now.

Pumpkinhead - 1988

What It Is: Weird slasher morality tale with Lance Henriksen.

Why I Watched It: The name kept coming up in horror circles and I thought it was time to see what all the fuss was.

What I Thought: Aside from the awesome performance I expected from Henriksen, Pumkinhead was quite good!

A bunch of rich city kids head to the country with their dirt bikes. When one accidentally runs down Henriksen's son, Lance calls up the ultimate force of revenge for a man slighted by another, Pumpkinhead. The demon is summoned as the facilitator of Henriksen's vengeance, but was his decision justified? The rest of the film involves a surprising number of moral questions regarding crime and punishment, slasher movie style.

Highlights: The monster, the summoning, slasher morality, and sacrifice.

Who Should See It: Horror and slasher fans.

How Soon: Anytime.

Review Dump - March 2008

I can't remember the last time I was this busy. My schedule is just full and it's been hard to find time for reviews. Without including all the boring details, here's the first ever Movie Slut Review Dump. Perhaps I'll give some or all of these titles a proper treatment someday down the road. Meanwhile, I hope you don't find the temporary change of format too offensive.














The Bank Job - 2008
What It Is: Dramatization of a real-life 1971 bank robbery.
What I Thought: A damn fine hiest film.














Hell Comes To Frogtown - 1987
What It Is: Post-apocalyptic cult film starring Rowdy Roddy.
What I Thought: Terrible enough to be pretty fun.














Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le Pacte Des Loups) - 2001
What It Is: Werewolves vs. Native American martial artists, in 18th century France.
What I Thought: Ridiculous...ly awesome!














Night Hawks - 1981
What It Is: Stalone the cop chases Rutger the arsonist.
What I Thought: Good cop movie with a good villain.














Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime)- 1997
What It Is: Anime about nature vs. industry/humanity.
What I Thought: One of the best Anime films ever!














Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) - 1992
What It Is: John Woo's last film before Hollywood.
What I Thought: Ranking #5 for the highest on-screen body count, what the fuck do you think? One of the greatest action films ever made!














Falling Down - 1993
What It Is: The Warriors with a shirt and tie.
What I Thought: Funny and frightening in the best possible way!














The Quest - 1996
What It Is: Van Damme and Roger Moore in a pulpy adventure flick.
What I Thought: Enjoyable when not taken seriously.














Perfect Creature - 2006
What It Is: The vampire film The Breed should've been.
What I Thought: Weak plot, gorgeous movie.











Planet Earth - 2006
What It Is: Most expensive nature show ever.
What I Thought: Best nature documentary ever!














The Beastmaster - 1982
What It Is: Classic sword and sorcery flick.
What I Thought: A little cheesy, but very very fun.














Targets - 1968
What It Is: Aging Boris Karloff vs. a psycho sniper.
What I Thought: A darkly enjoyable classic.














Doomsday - 2008
What It Is: Another Underworld/Equilibrium/Resident...
What I Thought: Just as good/bad as the movies it rips off.

Thriller - A Cruel Picture (Thriller - En Grym Film) - 1973

What It Is: The classic Swedish revenge film that inspired much of Tarantino's Kill Bill.

Why I Watched It: See Kill Bill comment above.

What I Thought: Excellent!

Thriller is an awesome revenge flick full of violence, drugs, retribution, and... surprisingly... hardcore sex.

A young girl is literally picked up off the side of the road, drugged up, hooked on heroin and forced to work as a prostitute. Her pimp makes one huge mistake and gives her a free day each week and a little spending cash. She uses that day to pick up some useful skills like driving, shooting, and hand-to-hand combat.

Why does she wish to learn these things? Let's just say her pimp isn't going to be happy when he finds out and neither will her customers.

Highlights: Sex and Violence with none of that silly Rock and Roll to get in the way!

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and cult movie buffs!

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever, it's a great film.

Coffy - 1973

What It Is: Pam Grier's precursor to Foxy Brown.

Why I Watched It: I found out Foxy Brown was written as a sequel to Coffy so I had to check out the original.

What I Thought: I should have just stayed with Foxy Brown.

The plots of both movies are so similar that almost everything I said about Foxy Brown will apply to Coffy as well. Bottom Line: Coffy is a less sexy version of Foxy Brown with acting that is much, much worse.

Highlights: None that go above and beyond Foxy Brown.

Who Should See It: Only die hard Grier fans or blaxploitation completionists, everyone else should just watch Foxy Brown.

How Soon: The movie's not going to get any better. Might get worse though.

Salute to the Jugger (The Blood of Heroes) - 1989

What It Is: Only a super cool, post-apocalyptic, Australian, sports movie starring Rutger Hauer, Delroy Lindo, and Vincent D'Onofrio!

Why I Watched It: My buddy told me the concept and I just had to see it.

What I Thought: Fucking incredible! Take all the goodness of your stereotypical sports movie (*see below) and combine it with the goodness of gladiatorial combat, Mad Max, and Rutger Hauer.

Civilization is ruined, the only sport is brutal and violent. It's known only as "The Game" and no one knows why it came to be played with a dog's skull.

It that's not enough to get you itching to see the film, you should start looking for your inner child because you must have dropped it somewhere. If the movie does sound interesting, then there's nothing else I can say that will get you more excited than you already are. Just watch the fucking movie!

I have one last question for anyone left doubting how cool this movie is: How many other films lead to the creation of their very own sport?

That's right kids, there have been real Juggers for over 10 years!

Highlights: The Game and the Juggers are awesome, Joan Chen is a kick ass "qwik", and the dog's skull is an amazing touch!

Who Should See It: Sports fans, action fans, and sci-fi fans everywhere.

How Soon: Soon! It rocks!

*You know the one. Where you watch the underdogs work their way up the ranks until they face off with the undefeated team, only to get their ass kicked for most of the game until they finally pull out a win with mere seconds on the clock. It's only the plot of every sports movie ever.

The Punisher - 1989

What It Is: The first attempt to bring Marvel's Punisher character to the big screen.

Why I Watched It: Dolph Lundgren in a deliciously bad 80's action movie, why not watch it?

What I Thought: The entire movie is just a poorly acted excuse to put Lundgren on the screen, killing a whole bunch of bad guys. And that's okay by me.

Although Lundgren is his typically horrible self, Louis Gossett Jr. is a treat.

Highlights: The speech about justice from the Punisher's perspective, the mafia's kidnapped children, villainesses in tight latex, and scores of Yakuza ninjas!

Who Should See It: Lundgren's following, comic fanboys, and action movie buffs.

How Soon: This movie can only get better with age.

Foxy Brown - 1974

What It Is: The much improved follow-up to Coffy.

Why I Watched It: You can't visit blaxploitation cinema without including Pam Grier's work.

What I Thought: It was good, baby, damn good. It was an excellent example of the blaxploitation genre and a kick ass revenge movie as well!

Some official business first: Foxy Brown was directed by Jack Hill, the same guy that directed Coffy. Foxy was written as the sequel to Coffy, but at the last minute the studio decided they didn't want it to be related. So for Foxy Brown, they just changed the name of the main chick and left out mention of the nursing occupation that would have connected the films. Officially, it's not a sequel. But we all know that it totally is.

Foxy Brown is just a normal woman, until her informant boyfriend is shot and she decides to get revenge. It goes okay at first, but she's out of her league. She'll have to get tough to take down the bad guys. Shouldn't be a problem...

Pam Grier oozes a fair amount of sexy through most of the film. The music is 70's silly and the action is surprisingly intense and visceral. From a typical detective story beginning, Foxy Brown quickly sets itself apart as a violent and gritty revenge flick. And that's okay with me!

Highlights: Arch villain "Miss Katherine" is unnervingly evil, the escape from "the farm" is classic, best use of a pickle jar ever, and Pam Grier is foxy!

Who Should See It: Blaxploitation fans, Pam Grier fans, and revenge movie fans.

How Soon: Anytime!

We Own The Night - 2007

What It Is: Mark Wahlberg and Joaquin Phoenix cop movie that is considerably better than its reviews and box office gross would indicate.

Why I Watched It: Wahlberg's dramatic roles have been amazing lately!

What I Thought: Wahlberg, Joaquin, Eva Mendes, and Robert Duvall don't leave much to be desired in a film. It was a good story about a club owner that's enjoying the nightlife until a powerful drug dealer puts a hit on his cop brother and father. The club owner is torn between revenge for his family and his own desire to live a safe life. When safe is no longer an option he's faced with the choice between becoming a cop or staying a victim.

Many of the directions and decisions in the movie were surprising and all the drama is punctuated with surprisingly intense action. I really don't understand why this movie didn't get a better reception. It's not as universally awesome as The Departed, but it is a really intense cop movie filled with excellent dramatic performances.

Highlights: The really gritty, graphic, and intense action sequences punctuating a good drama/revenge flick.

Who Should See It: Fans Wahlberg or Joaquin and action, cop, or revenge movie buffs.

How Soon: Grab the DVD whenever you wish!

The Warriors - 1979

What It Is: A great 70's flick about a group of wayward soldiers that must fight their way home, over 100 miles of turf controlled by every other gang in the city.

Why I Watched It: It was a favorite when I was I kid and a friend raved about the new Director's Cut version.

What I Thought: The Director's Cut makes a good movie simply fucking incredible!

The Warriors is a colorful, sometimes moving, sometimes cheesy story of violence, mayhem, revenge, adventure, betrayal, blah, blah, blah. The costumes are crazy over-the-top, but that's all part of the fun. The dialogue is stiff but it lends itself to the surrealism of the whole production. The 70's soundtrack is awesome! Last but not least... the mostly deserted streets of 70's New York provide a surreal backdrop for the whole show.

The story is an adaptation of the Greek tale Anabasis by Xenophon. I didn't know this when I was a kid, but I always felt there was a certain epic quality to the film that made it so moving and enjoyable. The new DVD demonstrates this connection nicely.

Highlights: The cast, the story, the setting, the costumes, and the dialogue come together famously, but one line from a very coked up Rogue is simply unforgettable!

Who Should See It: Action fans and anyone that enjoys a good epic myth.

How Soon: As soon as possible!

The Warriors (The Ultimate Director's Cut)

Death Sentence - 2007

What It Is: Kevin Bacon's vigilante justice movie.

Why I Watched It: I dig revenge movies and the grapevine had lots of good things to say about the film.

What I Thought: It was a pretty good revenge flick. Kevin Bacon has never been one to draw me to a film, but he's never been a reason to avoid one either. He was convincing throughout his progression from family man, to victim, to angel of death.

The story follows Kevin Bacon as he watches his son die at the hands of a street gang, then hunt his son's killer, then fail to protect his family when the street gang seeks vengeance of its own, and finally transform into a determined killer. The fact that Bacon practically transforms into the very thing he hates is a strong message throughout the film. Parallels are often drawn between Bacon and the gang's leader. This fact is one of Death Sentence's best qualities.

They hurt someone you love, so you hurt someone they love. Are you no better than them? Are you just like them? These a big theme in the film and it's enough to set the movie well apart from other revenge flicks.

Highlights: A surprise cameo from John Goodman, an amazing quote regarding "the gift of freedom" and very realistic depictions of violence that drive home the realism and prevent Death Sentence from becoming an action movie.

Who Should See It: Revenge fans and Bacon fans.

How Soon: It would make a damn fine rental and allow for some good conversations afterward.

Apocalypto - 2006

What It Is: Crazy Mel Gibson's chase tale set during the downfall of Mayan civilization.

Why I Watched It: I heard surprisingly good things about it from a handful of trusted sources.

What I Thought: The sources were right, it was surprisingly good! The movie follows one man's experience through the beginning of the end for Maya. Don't be thrown off by Gibson's name or the fact that it's subtitled. Apocalypto has a lot more to do with The Fugitive, Most Dangerous Game, or Running Man than it does with Passion of the Christ.

Apocalypto is an action movie and a good one at that. The Mayan language used throughout the film doesn't feel as historical as it feels primal. The movie's about survival, death, revenge, etc.

I also particularly like the film's theme of conquering one's own fear. It's a powerful message that's made considerably more powerful by it's delivery.

Highlights: Flint Sky's last words, "releasing" the prisoners, Jaguar Paw's rebirth as a hero, and the film's constant adrenaline rush!

Who Should See It: Action fans, Joseph Campbell fans, and anyone interested in one man's best guess regarding Mayan culture.

How Soon: Rent it anytime, you won't be sorry!

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - 2007

What It Is: Film version of a twisted Broadway musical about a 19th-century, revenge fueled, serial killing barber that bakes his victims into meat pies and serves them back to the public.

Why I Watched It: In the words of one of my very favorite actors, and the star of this cinematic gem, "How many chances do you get at a musical about a serial killer?"

What I Thought: Amazing! Incredibly! Expletive! After watching a high school production of Guys and Dolls, then seeing Moulin Rouge and the recent Chicago and now Sweeney Todd, I will officially go on record to profess my love for musicals. Of course, this should really be interpreted as a love for "good" musicals and Sweeney Todd was the best I've seen to date!

Surprisingly though, Sweeney Todd was more than a good musical. It was a good horror film, it was a fantastic revenge story and incredibly suspenseful. Sweeney Todd is fucking brilliant!

Highlights: Laughing in the face of the macabre, buckets of blood, an amazing Johnny Depp, a slew of cameos, awesome songs, a great revenge tale, and one hell of a villain!

Who Should See It: Depp's legion of fans and anyone that's as intrigued by the slasher/musical combination as I was. Seriously, if you're the slightest bit curious, you'll love the movie!

How Soon: An amazing film, just in time for the holidays! Use it as an escape when the big reunited family events start to wear on your patience. Nothin' says relief like tons of laughs and tons of blood.

Commando - 1985

What It Is: Perhaps the quintessential Arnold action film.

Why I Watched It: It had been far too long since I'd seen Arnold dispatch hordes of nameless enemies without breaking a sweat.

What I Thought: Commando was just as good as it was when I was a kid!

Commando features Arnold at his biggest, cheesiest, and bronziest. It's everything you want from a classic action movie. I love the new wave of stylish action we're getting from films like Shoot 'Em Up, Kill Bill, and The Matrix, but some times you want a movie with less style and more... bad ass! Commando has it in spades. There's just nothing else that needs said.

Highlights: Incredible one-liners, lots of killing, a good villain fight, and just so much Arnoldy goodness!

Who Should See It: Arnold fans and action fans everywhere!

How Soon: If you've never seen it, see it now! If you have seen it, see it again!

Commando (Director's Cut)

The Burning - 1981

What It Is: An early slasher film written by the Weinstein brothers.

Why I Watched It: Looking into The Uninvited Guest on Amazon, I noticed The Burning listed under one of those "customers viewing this item also purchased..." sections.

What I Thought: The plot is a bit similar to Friday the 13th, but not to the point of plagiarism. Tom Savini (played "Sex Machine" in From Dusk Till Dawn and worked make-up for Friday the 13th and Romero's Living Dead films) was in charge of special effects and make-up, but there just weren't enough killings to really do him justice.

Most of the Burning is less than spectacular, yet it's the movie's cast that made it so watchable. Not for their awesome performances mind you, rather The Burning happens to be the shared first film of so many notable actors. Jason Alexander, Holly Hunter, Fisher Stevens and Brian Backer were all on board. Most had bit parts, but Jason Alexander actually had a strong supporting role and a full head of hair!

Highlights: Worst practical joke ever, Jason Alexander with hair, and a nice first death scene.

Who Should See It: Slasher aficionados and Tom Savini fans.

How Soon: Whenever you're dying to see Holly Hunter's or Jason Alexander's first film.

Scaramouche - 1952

What It Is: A classic swashbuckling tale of love and revenge.

Why I Watched It: Scaramouche reportedly contained an "epic sword duel over 6 minutes long!"

What I Thought: It was surprisingly good. It more than entertained me and my roommate and we don't typically get excited about vintage Hollywood.

The story involves revenge and romance in pre-revolution France. I was reminded of The Count of Monte Cristo, but in all the best ways. The love story is fun in that old-fashioned kind of way, but the fencing in the movie really shines!

Highlights: Decent story, funny scenes involving the comedy troop, and an above par sword duel ranging through 5 different sets!

Who Should See It: Classic movie buffs and swashbuckler fans.

How Soon: Whenever.

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka - 1988

What It Is: The first (and best) of the Wayans movies, a decent spoof of Blaxploitation cinema from the '70s.

Why I Watched It: It's a classic spoof movie from a time before "spoof" instantly brought shivers along with thoughts of "Scary Movie 19".

What I Thought: It's old and it's cheesy, but it's still pretty good. I like it much better than the newer "Don't be a Menace to Society while... [etc, etc]".

Keenan Wayans plays the star of the movie, an up and coming black hero. He does okay, but the real fun of the movie are classic stars like Isaac Hayes, Steve James, and Bernie Casey. Some of the gags are weak for today's standards, but the most of the film's jabs at 70's blaxploitation are pretty inspired.

Highlights: Heroic theme music, overprotective mothers, Isaac Hayes, and FlyGuy!

Who Should See It: Fans of blaxploitation cinema or *gulp* the Wayans clan.

How Soon: Netflix it when you get a second.

Unforgiven - 1992

What It Is: The hardcore western penned by Clint Eastwood that won Best Picture.

Why I Watched It: It's one of my favorite Eastwood films.

What I Thought: A truly awesome film. Well written and even better performed. Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood are great! Lots of people get shot. Drew Barrymore gets slashed. What's not to love?

Seriously, if you haven't heard of Unforgiven then you need to relocate your rock to somewhere within earshot of civilization. The movie kicks ass. Eastwood plays a hard as nails retired gunfighter that's been farming pigs for the last 10 years. He was trying to leave his old life behind until he got word that some women are offering $1000 to kill the cowboy that slashed up a woman. Eastwood plays up the geaser-getting-back-into-gunfighting bit nicely, almost as if he was tapping into a little geaser-getting-back-into-acting stuff.

Highlights: Eastwood's lines, my favorite Gene Hackman performance, the final shootout scene.

Who Should See It: Western fans should watch it again and anyone else that hasn't seen it should definitely watch it once.

How Soon: Save it for the right mood. When you're in the mood for a heavy western with a lot of story, pop in Unforgiven and you won't be disappointed!

Unforgiven (Two-Disc Special Edition)